tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61069232322426696582024-02-18T23:13:36.660-08:00Ainsley + Blog = AinsBlog. It's Math.AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-40310671571080759432020-06-03T07:13:00.000-07:002020-06-03T07:13:56.512-07:00Field DayIn honor of Covid-19 ruining the best parts of the Spring (and Summer, and probably Fall, and all of 2020) I have decided to revive the blog and write about the thing that Covid has destroyed that honestly cannot be forgiven at this point. No, I'm not talking about Prom. I'm not talking about graduation. I'm talking about elementary school field day. So here are the highlights of that day from when I was a kid, because aside from this year having to be a virtual field day, they have changed exactly zero.<br />
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<b>Opening Ceremonies</b><br />
First things first, we are going to need some Pomp, and we are going to need a whole heck of a lot of Circumstance. Literally that song will need to play on repeat as each class marches outside in militant formation and flawlessly aligns in the parking lot. We will have rehearsed this never, yet we pull this off perfectly.<br />
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There is exactly one reason why this goes off without a hitch - our teachers will have threatened to take away the snow cone party at the end of field day if we screw this up for them, and every single one of us knows they are as serious as a heart attack about it. The last child will exit the building specifically on the last note of the song, military precision, and then some child will sing the Star Spangled Banner while wearing the school mascot costume. This will be hilarious to all of us and none of us will laugh, again, due to aforementioned risk of snow cone party removal.<br />
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<b>Themes</b><br />
Field days are themed. The theme is patriotism. Your class will not get to be America. Honestly, the most annoying class in the world somehow "drew from a hat" getting to be America and they will reallllly rub it in. And their class mom will go out and buy them all like Team USA olympic tear away windsuits or something absurd and your class is left making Djibouti tie dye t-shirts and you don't even care because you get INTO IT. You are team Djibouti. Did you know Djibouti speaks mostly French and Arabic and has volcanos? GO BLUE AND GREEN!<br />
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<b>Competition</b></div>
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The premise of field day is "Let's prove how many different ways Ainsley can lose at something". But, like a goldfish with a 12 second memory span, I would float from station to station and be fully convinced I was going to be bringing home the GOLD in this newest challenge. Oh, shot put? FOR SURE going to beat every single kid in my 2nd grade class at throwing a ball denser than the sun a thousand yards. It's irrelevant that I was specifically put at 1st base on my softball team for the explicit purpose that 1st basemen rarely have to throw the ball, and that is truly the only position on the field that has that unique feature. I'm a throwing master now. Let's rage.</div>
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<b>Closing Ceremonies</b></div>
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Jamie Savinski beat everyone every year. She was amazingly fast, and was better at everything than even the boys. Also she was my best friend up until like 4th grade so even though I literally never won, I kind of won vicariously through her. Her reward was that she got to get her snow cone first. I mean, what a treasure. Also this was the moment that being the class from Djibouti with the tie dye t-shirts paid off. Well well well Team America, looks like your wind suits all got stained and ruined with snow cone juice, and our shirts just got more tie dyed. BOOM. MIC DROP.</div>
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<br />AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-49480663336612116672017-10-18T18:09:00.002-07:002020-01-24T08:36:35.076-08:00The Scholastic Book Fair<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I got the "opportunity" today to go help my kindergartner's class pick out their top eight books from the scholastic book fair for their wish list. This book fair was my JAM when I was a kid. I mean, out of my top 10 memories as a kid, Book Fair is on the list at least 3 separate times.<br />
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<b>Supermarket Sweep</b><br />
Can someone PLEASE explain to me why we were given exactly twelve minutes to get our brains around ten-thousand book options?? This was not easy for a 7 year old. We had $14 in random bills and loose change, and we had to keep a running tally of our planned purchases in our head like a bookie at the tracks on race day... it was unnecessary chaos. But honestly something about that experience being almost exactly like the game show Supermarket Sweep, where middle-aged woman skidded through the grocery store throwing frozen 20-pound turkeys in their buggy, made the experience of book shopping on the fly all the sweeter. They could have given us more time. But then, perhaps, the magic would die off.<br />
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<b>Extortion</b><br />
News Flash - the Scholastic Book Fair has not remained immune to inflation, and the prices are still at "Price Level-Extortion". I pointed to one of the few books for my 5 year old that wasn't Barbie or Shopkins themed as a suggestion. "Hey look at this book! This is about a girl SCIENTIST!!!". My forced enthusiasm was matched, and my child willingly handed me her list to fill in the details. The details for the EIGHTEEN DOLLAR BOOK. In no way. I'm a scientist. Just talk to me about that stuff for free. #budget<br />
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I remember being so ready to turn into a bookworm every book fair. I made promises to myself that I would read my face off, and all the purchases I was definitely making were just investments in my new-found personality. It was like a New Years Resolution for a 2nd grader. Naturally I, along with all of the rest of my classmates, waltzed up to the check out hoping for some type of math-miracle. Maybe there's a book coupon I didn't know about. Maybe that JFK 50 cent coin my dad gave me out of his weird coin bucket he keeps on his desk is worth it's weight in gold.<br />
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My mother was OF COURSE working the PTA check out line and was not interested in my attempt at acquiring $150 of Goosebumps. The slow walk to put away all but 3 books was the worst. Just thinking about other kids getting to enjoy the book you tried to read. I hope you loved that Animorphs where the girl turned into the wolf. Because I can't read those, they are "evil" and also $12 in 1996.<br />
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<b>Pitch Meeting</b><br />
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Turns out the Book Fair is also full of land mines. And by land mines I mean, random toys. My kid asked about the toys today and I told her they weren't for sale they were for decoration. The concept of the book fair is astonishing; before book fairs existed, what was that concept pitch meeting like??<br />
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<b>Idea Guy:</b> OK. We are going to sell books to kids.<br />
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<b>Business man: </b>Great, like door to door?<br />
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<b>I:</b> No no no. In their school <i>library.</i><br />
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<b>B:</b> You mean... where they have thousands of free books already at their disposal?<br />
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<b>I:</b> Well, yea, but this will be different! This will be like a fair.<br />
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<b>B:</b> Sure, ok, we will make books fun! We will have rides and carnival prizes and books.<br />
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<b>I:</b> Wrong. We will have nothing that is even remotely like a fair. We will have books on shelves. But the books will be turned ninety degrees sideways so the kids can see the covers instead of the spines.<br />
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<b>B:</b> Hmmm. So no games at all. Just racks of books they can buy in a room already full to the brim with free racks of books.<br />
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<b>I:</b> Exactly.<br />
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<b>B:</b> ok. So how do we make money off this?<br />
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<b>I:</b> I'll tell you how. We hype this up like the 2nd coming. We set a time limit so kids have a false sense of urgency, that if they don't buy that Fancy Nancy book here fore 1.5x the price it is anywhere else, they will never see Fancy Nancy again.<br />
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<b>B:</b> OK. I can see how that will work on the kids. But won't the parents see right through that gimmick?<br />
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<b>I:</b> YOU SEE NOTHING. The parents are not allowed to come make the purchases. Only kids can buy books.<br />
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<b>B:</b> With what money exactly?<br />
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<b>I:</b> The money their parents give them, of course.<br />
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<b>B:</b> I'm not following. Parents are going to BLINDLY give their kids an indeterminate amount of money to go buy books unsupervised?<br />
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<b>I:</b> No no no. Well. Actually yes. But the parents will think it is regulated?<br />
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<b>B:</b> Gotcha.... how will they think that?<br />
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<b>I:</b> The kids will bring home a decoy "wish list". It will have tons of great reading books they "want" to buy. The parents will have to give their children the money and trust that their 6 year old will be a good steward of the funds.<br />
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<b>B:</b> This is making sense now. So we will just let the parents order the books and the kids are the middle men.<br />
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<b>I:</b> You could not be more wrong. The list is a <i>decoy</i>. The kids can buy whatever they want and since we time limit the event, the teachers can't police all 20 kids at once.<br />
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<b>B:</b> So what will they buy?<br />
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<b>I:</b> Posters. Toys. Erasers. And 1 book.<br />
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<b>B:</b> I see this working once. Won't parents get wise after the first time.<br />
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<b>I:</b> They literally will do this every year for centuries to come and never catch on.<br />
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<b>B: </b>This is a gold mine.<br />
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<br />AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-20245558534893265852016-08-03T16:14:00.001-07:002020-01-24T07:39:16.662-08:00Childhood At Its Finest<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok, so I have written several posts now about how awesome
childhood was. Maybe it’s excessive. Or maybe it was a super fun time to
reflect on, and I can find more material from my childhood than writing a blog
titled “I Went To The Dentist Today and I Miraculously Have No Cavities But My
Gums Are Throbbing And I Have To Pick Up Groceries: A Mini-series”. </div>
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So instead,
I’m going to jump into some more amazing things</div>
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that only childhood brings </div>
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(and
I HOPE TO GOD you read that the way Dr. Seuss intends for all accidental rhymes
to be read).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Books</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Kids books were straight up adventures from start to finish
and I was hooked. I’m still, to this day, waiting for someone to blow my mind
the way Amelia Bedelia did circa 1992. Am I the only one who remembers the racially-insensitive-but-it-was-a-different-time
lore of Ricky Tikki Timbo NoSarRembo Charry Berry Rucci Pip Perry Pimbo? He
fell down a well and his piss poor excuses for parents didn’t believe their accidental
2<sup>nd</sup> child, Dave, when he told them. The 2<sup>nd</sup> kid wasn’t called Dave but it was a name that equally conveyed “You’re not our favorite”. That
book was a straight up Pandora’s Box of life lessons. </div>
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**Every part of that
story is based only on my memory. Some facts may be wrong- like for example the name of the actual book when I Googled it**<o:p></o:p></div>
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You know what fed our book bloodlust like no other? A
scholastic book fair. What a wonderland. My mom always worked these because she
was so high up in PTA she has a lifetime achievement lapel pin-swear to God. So
she was the PTA Czar or whatever, and she was in charge of making sure I didn’t
fool myself into thinking my family had recently won some kind of 5 figure
scratch off and we could just buy all the books. What a time to be alive. Now
all books are just ghosts of excitement. Even ones with twists and turns I feel
like I just can’t emotionally commit to any character the way I committed to
the Sweet Valley High Twins.<o:p></o:p></div>
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evMu/wCHmBdXusy5YAQ5hrMzA5r5jnKdNVgaUqcZKStqLaleFWcXCV1Yf8W/EQIuWVAgGCZkvBIZcseHOIMnUK4gSCb69eNKL114IqweCnXkm17N9X5cDF2Z1cjNvMz5SZIgnUaGd9QQdeRRjUX79rpM7uIlSqP9K3ZtcPl+OQ17mdvKYAkTqSxJJiT4nZv9R8qd5Yqq29F8kJuGDoqEVd8FxbNn8Joq2brWGD34IUNoAgaZUHmT3j0JUHkT2MBCioxTleN9X1u6Z53a0sS5Sll9u2i4e/j9+RBwArmfNPbSc2bffWPff/qt+2XU9m39Phbn4/T/AGcf/jyorPm/rXea++1+Hhz8fQNGuAenOmkMY9MY62JEetXsqKBuLhrYUkucxjQZmLMWOm2k/dV1HD1MVUaj68kY8Vi6WBpJzu+CS3sjfHXnGW3h7mY6AlTA89o+db6ey4RlerUjbjZ6nLrbaqzi40KMsz3NrRHYvE28ChRWDYl1Jd4zFRpMAkTqw3I3k8gVjcYst7WgtyRdsvZjz2bvOWspPrreZJsQS+ZzmBkE6wZ3BmSDPeM6zJBaM1cOrLNPtr3jxXL0PU04yjS/TpZZ2unwb5p8/kXeL8ONkrcQsbN0d0zrH1rbkfWEH1ieRgxeHyfu09z3263MWBxfarsqneW6/W9A+2ASiGHMFVIVpDGQDA1YwdV1EnQGBRKvnl2dPutWty/0Shh40odtV0km23ff/vkajgvwUTFzEtkXfID3v6m2X0GvmKtoYBLWpr4GPFbWlL2aWi58fx1uNMuMt2hksoABAnrACiTu2gAk10Tj2Kd/GO+7H02HypXHYgNAzqAOmgQhNAxAaQHTTAtYfHOuzadDqPyoFYJ2OLhtG7p68vnypiMdx/4SdR2lom6oA5S4CgASB49Buuu3dOprDisH2rzxevw/B1sFtPsYqnNez4b/AMmdxj6i2u3dBbU5yAFBAGkaAaDXKCdYAw4ipKKVDgvj+DqYOlB3xG+Uvh4fcW5eW3bygd8zmLDVYJWFn6u5n6xM+ELOibWHp9lHWUt/XyMmHjLE1f1NXSK3en0582dgMSbOW5LK+YMqggd0ahm0MZtsu+UnkwquP/iSTbu2tUvr1+b5x/Xw0Vop6N6t+S0t16a1XXHILluExSCdNM4H/YHlIBkEE9/BY2E4ZJ6we9cuvyeQ2psupTqZ6elSOqa4rr7PQl4Zju0BDDK66Mu2u0x+orDjsE8PPTWL3M3bM2gsXT10nHSS5P7fLcXZrCdMa9AxO0CqWJgASa0xg5tRjvZnqVI04Oc3ZLVg3CvAONujqthDtpMu3kNT7GNYrsVcuFpdjF+Mn9DzuEhUx+I/UzXhCPhz6+wOt/Fl3OP2jxO5Fs/NAoEeU+/XgraUc1sunxPWy2RaF8+vwAeKxpd2DtMk+oO+YBgDMNrsSHO2aoVJ14VHOpH2d1uFi6lDDVKap0ZJSWqfG/W8SAB3CSY1jSVI7ylTzHqdNeVZoQjKTjTlq932fWprq1ZU4qVWOi321s+a8Pig7wC326thHzBtSh17pGjBuimAp6ELpNbsLmlCVGonocvGuNKrHE0mnfr/AHyZqeG8Gs4Jcx794jVufmFH1V+0/YNVGhClG0fec7EYmpXleT8lwRDisY1w67dOQq25RYgmgYuagQlAzpoASZoAdQA2gBaAFoAQGgCxhcaybbdDt+VAWGcV4MmJBu2YS9znYk8z/C3848pmBFdWlGorP0fIuw+JnRlpu4rgzBX8J2ZbtVbOrCFYaHRtWnRgCBoDBgbjfmZJYZucld7k/qd7PTxtoRbyrWS+SGdkQc1w6tMAnnzLmZBnbodTqIFlOMKTU62rl8CqtKpiYyjQ0jH0u+S5WJsDjDaY3FLK4fQRlAgGZB8cZiIGg2nlSs8JJyeqfy5/bq8nl2hFRV1l58+X3NZjCL9sY2wIuL+9QcwBqfMR9nQiK9DhK1PEU+wm/Ze58n11qeM2jhq2ErfqaStOPeX9y6+GvAuYPEi4gdefLoeYNcXEUJUKjpy3o9BhcTDE0lVhufVvQkaqDSUuMWy1ho5Q3y3/AF5V1tmzUcTG/HT3nF21TlPBTy8LP3MH/FDM6WmXwNbTKo5Zc3aKPQi2fYfw1n2rTqJSitddfI3bBrUpZZaK8Vbw5ozIKRqCx2Kk9067mBm8oBE8yRpXIo4iFOHcvK+871fCSqzblN5Laok+kFh3gHSfCR3REaoAIWCw1Xr5wbXVxVN9rK9uuHArVLB1l2MLXXLf5p8Q5wzg5xSHsMqukN3pEyTsw1BBXzGoIyzlGhUqWJhmh7LMUsVWwlR06vtK3w63m4tIuFtBdHulQGbKAWiYmPqiYA6CujuWpxnq7oE3rmYkkyaQwVjOIx3UEnryFZ6ldR0RZGm3vBeIxDN9Yj5j7qzdtJstUEiseK3LcbsPWfzqaqS5icEFcJxgEBj4evT1qyGI1tIg6fIJF52rTe5WSgUxC0AITQAzNzNICq/ErYMTJ8tag6kUSUGR/wDk1/7IE/OousiXZsa3F1B7wI8xBH2UKtFg6bCWGxMQ6N6EagirUytom4xwxMbbkQt1RAJ+5v5dTB5a9SDCrSjVjlkXYfEToTzR9VzPP7tns2UMG7RTqhAKyNAjAiWA5x6edcqUY0JNTWZ205Ho4TlioKcZZY31tv8AfwG3nZz2lxjLa5omYGgAiI1UgbRppuDJlmpYhcNPt4C7TtKeXCNKzs39Vz+oX+GOKumIUIhKv3CiiZX28REzJ+wE1fhK8nPLb2eHh1xMe0cNSjTzZvaW+71fXDwDmJs/RcTkH7q7qv8AK20fPT0I6V38TT/V4btF34b/ABXX1PIYOp+gxnYv+nU3eEutPdyCDV589SiUW5BB2Mg+9X5nF3RTKKlFxe5gwW71hSgUX7HO2w1HPT36fKu1DFYfFv8Ac9ifPg+umeZlgsZs9fs/uU+XFdeHuK44NhcQrGzLXDE2LjAGPrAH65O3ebmdQYIz1tn9jPO4rzW434fa6xUFTzu3GL3/AJM9j0vBzbuTmnUEQ25gRGbLJMDbpXAr08U7wd2nrpuPV0cRgku0jZO1uTN/8N8MGDw/aXB+1uAEr/D/AAp68yevkBXTw1BUYZePE4OKxEsRUc36eCK+IvkksxnnVzZSgLjMYxJAMAb1irVn3UXQgt7KNx9QC0dOn3Vl1LjnUEQ0g9Qd/McjUlYVwdcQrscw+f3CgaHYV4b+Vt9DANA2E+HXzbfs28J8PkenpWijUtoymcb6oP1tKDpoAjvXQokmBSbS1Y0rgbF4gsCWbKnTmfUmsk6zlpEujBLeU0vCNAB0FUFpDameh8ufvSbCwRXDyNftouIrpce00jbmOR/OrIVHEUopmkwGK8Lqf+uYNbou6uZWhvxVwxb1v6TbAzqO8COQ+sRsSvnuOsAVCtTzq6SutxpwmI7OeWTeV7+vnzQC4B8PdvN7ElksgTJhc/kGJlV8wNZ0NZMNhJ1ZZqqbfBdfI347aUKEclBpRW98vLh6hl+LIp7PA2FBgKbgQAQJI8zqSZbnOhr0UcHToxz4iVly6+h4+W0KuJm6eEjmfGT3Lx/37mRWeFS3aXmNxz12H9/urHidqtx7Ogssfj+Pn4m/CbDipdripZ5/Bff5eAQY1xz0BZtmrJFaFY1USKOM4alwz4X5Muhnl61vwu0atD2VrHk+tDl47ZNDFPM1ln/ct/rz+fiEfhDiN92uI7B0t6C4ZDEzt56A6+nWupi4UskKkVlctbHGwFWu6k6U2pRg7Zub66Yzi+Nzv5DQefn71z2zrpADHYs+EaVkrVraIuhDiC8Rixm7MbaT59ZrKy1IkuaKBuIjrt+UVAaKeVtgdOhp3Q7FlcIMuYwBQk2Fyo0xm2HShb7DsXLAW6sHcbH7asIBnAXpXXcaGttGeaJRONmPxWJCDWpykorUSjcDNf7R5PhGwrDVquT8DRGOUjuqXO2gqu5JIgt4EzmochhEZen66UaEdRWv6aUXCxUuGaVxk3CLxQlDsTI8ia1UaltCqpC+pqeF4rK0HwtofI8jWwoYK+J7LnEqt1ma2wm2JgA7ZTA66TE6iupSrOnhJTopZlv8ufWhw61BVcfGniJPJLurcr8utdUTcLZTbGUACTsIB10MHX3O9eerVJ1J5pu7PWUKVOlBQppJeBbqkuGNQMltXBOWRO8c4q2RWmSNVRIpcVxPZ2mYbnuj1P6J9q14HD9vXjDhx8kc/aeK/TYaVRb9y83u+4Uw1n6NhFt7Ow73qR3vkIHyro4qt2tVy4bl5HNwGG7CjGD3735vqwKuGsrNplsYzF5BifIVzaj9o1R3EOgMbsahvJoti6RpFV3J5B6rOpHz/tRvE9BzknQfrzp3EonYizCx5VJKwyrgn3/XvTbsyNglg7/eB5Hf1q6jO0iqcbor8duSwAMdZ/CrMQ7uwU1oDuH3JO+m09azTVi6KuFwNKitxOw+2TtTXiJxKuJtspkCR6fhUrCyjWPdmD71Ei1YgbEGelSsIXD4g5hOkEfo1KO8UtxplromUucZs9vhSR47feB5yu/zH21twVVQq2e6Wj9Tm7SoOpRbj3o+0vQp8KKm2HVQC2rQN22M9dq5WLoujWlTfD5cDuYHELEUI1VxWvnx+JcrKayJ6BoxeE43iVxd5HyFmZUtKcsIHY5ScupAAIPmQNJrZKMcphhOWZpm9NYjYD2tdrirNr6q/tG9tvuj3rtbOj2dCpW4v2V9Tzu1Zdti6WH4L236buvEJcbvzcjkoj33P68qpZsQB4nigiMT0NVzdkTirmZusxt9oDIjboRXP3s0oo8ExQY53MUTXBE6equaLD4u22gYHynX5VGxInaD5UrAPAVRuB600hNlbEYlCO6wJqTBFDB3BmZeYO369ajJcRPeWrcjTz0oT1uRZFxrCswziSCPkY/KtM7u0iEXwBPBZUlTyb76pq8y+nuZqVXSoW0HclF5VEsQB1OlWQRCRGeIo3hlvMDT51J2EkyJoYevzqviTBeJtMGjn+tqZWRZWMCfX9daFoPLdGrwjyorfTd4mWS1C/BbsOVOzD7R+U1YQYI4anZXb1g7K0r/AKTt9mX51ftWOeNOuuKs/NdMx7Dl2c6uGf8AF3Xk+l7wlXFPREb0DKX/AI5O3F4Jbz7FiozQOQO8kTr0FXOWlinKr3CrVQWEHwwubEYi6fqwgP8Ay/4iu+1kwlKHO7+x5mm+1x9apytFem/4ogxN6SzHmSaxtnRSMpxq/nMbxsvKerf2rDVqZmaYRsgLg7r2yynY/fUHqO1hLOBYoTbIkSRIkanp8qTeupbFezoMHDLzNIuA6AjMoBzRqNBoPepXjYjad9dxosCWNuW3Ghqm2pbYBcSw98y4KT9UMdxPLkKuhlejK53XdJeG2b5bvZCojvAEeojnHWlLLwJRcv5DcdfyXQRoYHvBOk0RV0Ka1DWGcPbzTM/YRVdrMgE+H3QRlNa6ErqzKZrW4F+I7XYEXlAAOjGJgjbTnP4UVKRZSqFHBfEDi4LdwNy1KgRm21Bqp07K6Jxmm7B3iGELgfjUUWAW/wAKuM6lbtzTxCSBPLLyA9qsUopFcoSbunoHcJYKJDNmPWoZb6kvAbe7w9Kix5SsbAUM0dfTy/tTsN7gxwttIrTh5aWMdRahPCvldT0I/OtBWM40mTGo3/2W4PqJ/stbai7TASX9rT697ObTfZbUg/74teq1+iLNcE9MRPSJFLT6UvXKRMHbvGJ6eUe/I3PulP8AIKsaoLCD4VP+WvP/ABO5/wDUfiTXosb7LhDlFHltlvNGpU/unJgziDwtcus7ROxBambxFwA/fWBI0FXHFCoIOtON7iYvB8TBjanJal1PWIdu3ljTejSwKLuVrc5X9RUFxJveiW26+Fh86I2IyT3obi7yqO7U7IIxvvMpi7+dzbVZbTvaQJ1qcVZXZCpP+KRo8BheztBZk6n51S5XdyG4kw92GH651OLsxSVwhxcB7BBHNf8AkNa2Sd4MrpL2wdcw4Fpt2mBr9lZLvia0tQpaaIkcqaE1yO7QTUhW0IsVdHKhjiuZX5VUyQLbibXHCZcijedSdJA8hVjSylLbvYP8Lap4dlVRBWtpQS/FXiwtz+aP92X+xrdhvaoVo/4391zlYx5cTh5r++3vsS1549SRuaCRVk/SV7xAynu5jBOuuSI959qufdKf5BG5tVC3lj3EPw2f8gfVvvFej2j/AFvRHldjf+qvN/MC8VuiI51x67VrHapoz2IssZj2rGmXlU2VYd6UbbXwzyppiKaqyswbQgz6g8x8qm9UWU3YLMVVJcmDzAJj5bVVq3oXXuVkZdQMQcp1M5s3tpViT5BlYQQ22GVWk7zzqLVt5HVPUr4tYHeO29JMlcC8EuZrjPpuSB67VbPdYyJ3bZqBd2nzqlIkclmWmmIM/Rw9plPPn0PI/Ot0FeFinNllcAYq43ZsmzjQ/jWV+y7M23vqh2EuKoBu3ZPOGYEeoXf5U0mwyye5F0Y62+iGY5hW094ik00hWa3j3So5h3IrzaR7VFsAOVi+/sfsqb7qK5d4OcPeIopStIhNXQbSuijKT/FP7nDH+dP+NdDA7qi/xZytpd6j/wDpElNeePUkb0iSKeX/ADKmV8J0+tGuu209T1q590p/kEnqgtK3wz//AB3F/hZx8gDXo9oa1FLnFHlNj6UXDlJozOLu7vuSSFHKBzPWuHNq+ZnciuBnbmJvW/rE+1V2i9STuho4sWU5h5ER9tLIk9AUgbiOJmRzABjr+tKmogp2YX4LxBXGQmQeRqqcXFmmM76oKW+HHk+noCR70KoyztWSOFtJvHMk71G7ZBycndmT4pxUP3Ae6dz19KvhDiU1ai3Im4VikQxRKLZCLQRxGO58/nHtUVEkEeDklRzJ3PT86i94jUW1gAVvgrRsZm7szvG7oW6CfrCCOv5xWasrs1UXZWKWD4WCZUgjcZhP31WqhpUsqD1lMog6+dJyvvK27sqYrFKmpMfrlVdm3oMrYG411sxEKNp5+dNpICpxIZbwPJhHuP8AuprWJCW9F+yYqtCZoMG/dFdGk7xMk1Zl34q8OFTq6/YFH4108HpTqy5RZyMfrWoQ5zXwa+5LXnj1JHcoJIrZj2y98RlMplMkk6Nm5Aa6edWvcV8S81UEyD4VGuJs/wA0j0aR9wFeirvPQpT8Le48tg12eJr0uUr+/pGN4w/ZsquQsBiSTHMQPt+yuLUg9x2lJICj4iw4kOx0OhKNPzG4qP6efAO1RH/5rDOWCyYUk93cAjvDruNIqf6eVvEj2uoKxNwXJ7NdObSNB+AqyFJreRlUvuKWDzK3dbbmNQfTyqNSNiynLkGk4zeGk1RlRozMhxOIuXfExjpQkkJ3YNvplJaPCpYDzGg+RM+1aIa6FFTQo4LiLM4DtIJiYEg7Az61fKmrFOZh3BsxOUyTMetZXoXrU9A4FhwF2gClQjmlcVR2Vgs7QK1t2RSlcx3xVbn13msjftGhd0D8N4+9vRwW8+fuOtEqSe4aqtaMvj4ge4O4I9ag6dt5dFqW4kweCa42ZyTUZStoidrB8FEAEgdBIBquzIN6lbFMh1ImNR60K4NkCOdSdKZE0PBe/A6kD5mtlB6GepvCXxEc2Lsp/ApY+8x/xFdVPJgakubSOO/3NpUYf2pyfXmkTRXAPTkN3nQSRSMfSE0Mx5xs2/dj5n051a+6VfyCT1QWFTh79njV6XVK/wBQ2/4j513sLLtcE48YO/o+meaxkex2lGXCpG3qvxYwPxtw9rWNugeFjnWTuH109DI9qzM2MzNywGMFdaBXBl3AFBnRiGB0IMROm/vTTHcfdwbsBnuFh0mPsouO5JYwYtAvmIcTlG45aEcwZM1VOUrpW0Jxta/EKcPPaDaGBgjlrsQfmI5QOtUVYZdUaKNTM7Bizw86aVnzmqyKfFcHlck7BD7lgVA+evtV1F3ZnrpWuZ3E4NTGkHy0rajGEeFcTVbg7UOI3ZVDTB33FUzpZicZ2PSuF8SsOoFtwfI6H5GpxgoqyE5XZdxDwpNE9w47zMcaUXIAIzaj0rG5cTQlwMvj8EyTK6Hn+tKtjKL3EXFodwYGahVLaJssCIArKy5lPHFu1J6AAaaxv95qfCxWzrN5zoEA82JP2Ck1EjqdikbLv8lJ/GpRsBpPgGxLjUnKCTI+X2n7K0UXeRTV3Fy2/a4q/d5A9mvtoY/2z7109ovs8NTpcX7T+nz+Bytkx7XGVq/BWivr8l7y8a4Z6Mgu7Ggkik1w/SUEmCp0zaHQz3Z321ir33Sr+SCTis5aDuNIcguL4rbBx7HX8D7V1Nk1lGtklukrfbrxOJt2g54ftYd6DUl9fv6FH/EnDC7h7OMQTEBvINqs+jSPerakHCTg+BGnUVWmpx3NXPOsswwOv63qskOAzqwgZoJI9OnlQBXa2WAgbgctiJXfltQB15JgOPIxv70DCvw3YTtGHVQRp0P51mxPcL8O7TNPl6VzzcZT4mxRNzsl2WCx6sR+AP310sPC0b8zDWneVgA+5MbDX8qvKSdLQG5jnQBLaEaCetAB/h/GriDK3eQjSdx7/hUZq6JRdmVVxQDklSR0iT7daySi7GlSLb2FfSzJJ5AmPcGq02u8T04F3g3CyNW3mlOV3oWRWVBe3a72lQY2zsRhi3eA20k6T6UrXItkOEsXCdVk9R+M02kRuFF4eY1P69aSVxXDmFUYXCXLw0LDu+Z2X7TPpXU2bh3Umk+L+CObtHE9jSlPktPN7inwjD5LQB3PePqfyiobTr9tiJNblovT8mnZGF/T4WMXver839lZFw1gOkQXaZJFKF+kJqM2XbWSIbyjfz61a+6V/wAgm1Zywayggg7HSpRdndEZRUlZ7itwJFZb2AvaqwbJ5q28eY39Z6V6Ku1XpRxEfKXmuvkeVwieFrzwcuGsfGL6+Z5Pxjh74a+9l91Meo3Vh5EQawnRsRG3IlTDden5/wB6BiYYyuUsVgz6qd/eRQInRM5O0REjcnkSOdAy1wF2W7lj6ra+4MfZVFdXgy2i/bRqmYKpY6ACT7amufCOaVjdJ2Vzz7F44EkkEOTJJ216RXXSOaNNuBOsEDXkdfzoEPyySTQBatOskRuNOevKgZN28IJ11/U0AFvhy32rOqnwwfY/nWTER3M0UZcDWYHhwtDqTzrNe5a2WAo00/RoAdasiZjmPx/KgTbJcnWncQoAGv69ajYCbB2DcYLy5+nOpwi5OyE3ZXGcfvC9fTDr+7tQz9Mw2X2GnueleghJYTCur/KWkfv14czgzh+txsaH8Ie1Lz4Lrm+RZJrzp6sQmgZDcOhpjK2nbKMvLxa6b6bR9vOrH3SviEjVBYNFMRR4pYbu3rely2cw8xzHn/31rqbMxUac3SqdyWj8HwfX0OLtjByqwVel34arxXFdeXEp/GXCE4hhlxdkTdRYZRqxA1K+ZGpHUHzFaMRQdKbhIpw2IjiKSqR/0+R5n9EcefoRrvznqPurOXWJYXQk20YE5szzJgRljSCJn3pjsR9jDSJykTprtuFPMDefOi4F3hN//MJlaVkz7gxv7GqW24O6LEkpqxoeMOBaMzB0OXeCDtWSh3zXV7hh0tEzFyRB1ESY1iRv7V0TCSNh4ZZKlSMxJJAEEGCSPagRauBe8QRqdBPy1iD13oGRHJJI5bgk6ddl1+dADMQ6sNCJMkgHmOYB5aTTEGvgG9F8qdCwO/OBOnyNUYiN4llN6notwwCawS0VzStRtq1oJ350oJ21BslAqdiJGxpDGjWnYAhi8SMJZzb3X0VfPlp0G59hXX2fg+0lru4+Ry9o4zsaemsnpFc311qUOF4Ts172rt3nPOTyn9c6z7Rxf6ir7PdWi+/qbdlYH9LR9rvy1k/Hl6fO5cJrAdMZQMY9AIqhR2yHMZjwhTB0bdpjnt5fK190hbUJGqCw5aYmLURA+3fbCXe1UE2XMXFH1TyYfry6V6HB1ljKXYTftruvmuXX3PL46hLAVv1FNfty7y5PmuvDirAfjj4KssrYzDoGRv2jKuw5llH8J5jkZ9s84yi7PRm6MozipRd0zDuwUDKoEETA2B3mOW9QGSMO7mmAN25nXfzEIx96BkdovZuoxEgkGVJ2O52M9eu+9Jq6sNO2oWx3F1ug2odHyl+mgZVBV1MGc3LoZjastKi4SuaKlVSjYFWrSnNmhoU6lR5GCQNTpvv+GszDxZzaFQBllYA5r5ev20AhhGS4VUnUKW56qCfnqB7xQMvXLxUsp7yGNYjKY0kUAPv4YFQFA25aHQzI84B1oApfD7FcZZYnxEfIkrrUKqvFjjvPV5rms1I4GmgGuaYEbHlQgCVi2lhDfu6AbDnPLTr5VvwuFlUkklr1qZMTiYUYOUnourAjDZ79z6TdEf8A1pyVeR/Xr0rbj8RGjD9NSf8A9Pn4ff3czJsvCTxFT9ZXX/wuS5/b38glXDPRDSaBiUwGXKBorID2y90xB73Ib6ba+56VZwIPeEiKoJnAUCY6KBCXEBEESDuOtEZOLTT1RGUVOLjJXTBuFxL4NjoXw7HVdyhPMfrWvR0K8MdHLLSqvdL8nlq+HqbMk5QvKi+HGP46eurE/Fvwct1DisCA4Ik2V0B11y9Dv3T7dKy1KcoSyyVmdClUhVipwd0zzvAdpcd1ueKQMuoy7giDrt11qtkxbdwiEmAp0J5ZgR95oAuMhKd7fZT0BjMPQwv2UuI+BBaIErMiDp9sVIRY4cQQxGhhQZ6RSGirisL3rjKxPdJGXcHQQwNADlxZCqXiCFIYcvJh0nmPlTQE64piyrDbmQNoO7Dyyn7DVcr3ViUbW1HWYGLshdgVH/uf7VKfdYlvPUFNctmpDlqQhFQk6CSdABSQ2y+bVvDqb18weS7meQA5mujhcHOrK1tfl5mLFYynQhmk7L5+QGftMU4u3RltjwW/xbr+Ppv0MTioYSLo0Xeb3y5eC60892HB4KpjpqviVaC7sefi/D5+W8jFcDeenOikA2gZxpgRPSGRBB2yHvyFI0YZNf4hMzpppz9Yte4r4hImqSYwGgBwNJiFmkA1hOlNNp3Qmk1Zg1bN3DsbmHOh1a0fC3p+v7V3KG0adaKp4r0lx9evuedxGyquHk6uC3cYPc/Lr7DrmGweObMR2OJ5nZieh2Fwfb6VbXwc6azLWPNbiOGx9Os8j9mfGL3/AJ60MV8TfBV+yXuAZkO5XUAA90nmselZDcZ7BOpDrmOglJ5bZh6wB8qrjme8btwIbXDUgkmempqwjcv4MFcwgzA09jt0pDRWXV3A0kfhP4UAdcWUXQQNI5eIzTAHDGtZMFc6nQCSCvoR6bUWGEeC3pxFsxHeXSSfrTqTudajLusFvPWbdc2xpCGE4U78sq9T+Aq2NGU/Ig5pHYvi9nD/ALOwO2vbaagerDb0HvXYw2zsse0qPLHm/p17zk4naazdlSWefJfV9egMXBPcftsQ2d+S/VTyA/XvVeK2lGMeyw2keL4vrqxfg9kylNV8Y80uEf4x+/y895fy1xbnfFy0XAULSuAhWi4xpSncCK4lFxooZf8AMIZGi7SNZzcon8KvfdKv5BU1QWiTSEKGpMQs0rgITQA0mmBUxuAt3PENeTDQj3rbhcdWwz9h6cnuMOM2bh8Wv3FrzWj68xtjHYuxoCL6Dk2jgeR/7rqwxWDxHf8A25fDr3eZxp4TH4Xufux90vz8fIivHhuJbNes9hd5tGQz5ldD/UKnPZ9S2aFpLmiNPalFvLUvGXKSt162B17/AA6VgTh8UrIeTAGPMOh/CscoSi7SRvhKE1eLuvDUpXfgXFoGgK/8OVxtr/FHWo6kwa/whje0B+jt0kFD9zUhj8L8H44yPozCSfrINNDzbyoEPb/DLF3SCezQTJzPJ9sgNGvIegcwH+HNmwwuYnFgQQQqgIP9zEz8qnGlOppFe7UrnWp01ebS83Y0J+IMNb7uHttefqAY/wBx1+QrVT2XkWao1Fc2zBU2vGcslFOb5JdfIqYm9isRpdcWk/gTcj+Y8/n7Up47C4f+is8ub3ddXJQ2djcX/wCxLs4/2x3vzfXkTYTCJbEIoHU8z6muPicZWxEr1H6cPcdzCYGhhY5aUbc3xfmyxmrMaxc1K4CTQAuakB00ALmoAa0UXGV7CDeBPX5/3PzNaGRRMapJiUCGmkA6aQCTQAlMBKYHUAR37CvoyhvUA1bSr1KTvTk15FNbD0qytUin5q5QbgtuZQsh6q3966VPbWJStO0l4r7HKqf8fwjeanmg/B/e5IljEr4MU8fzDN95NXLatCXfor0f4RR/02Jj/TxD9Vf6kgv44bYhT6ov/wCal+vwL305e/8AJH/rdpLdWi/T8HdtjjviFHoi/wD5o/7DArdSfv8AyC2btF760V5L8DHw+Ibx4q4R0Xu/cai9rUY9yivV3+hNbEry/qYiXorfX6DbXBrQMsC56sZ+6qKm2cTJWi1FeC+9y+lsDBwd5Jyf+T+1i9aRVEKAB0AiubUqTqO822/HU61OlTpRywikvBWJAarsWC5qAOoAWaQHTQAk0WAWaQHE0AMdvOkMYjhRJIAHMmB7mtLRAk7QHYg8/ntVNiYk0CEZqQCB6LALNFgOmgBJpgdNACTTA6aAOmgDiaAOmgBZoA6aAEmnYDgaLAKDSsAs0WAUGiwHTSATNTsAs0rALNICO4aBg/i2Ea4ihc8q4YFCmZSAYIW53W32PruK1J2Kpq60A9jAYtGNwL3iLKkL2SqwUXs0jXKRmTbSZiRScoPTz+hFRmnfy+pGtriRnVhC3Cv7nU5bWRTq3Ptv/WdKL0+r+P4I/u9W8PyXcbhsQ1qyJdmFx+0A7NSUK3QoImCASg3kjXfaCcbsm1Ky65g/A4bH20t2lLBFS0Cf2LMpFoBlAkAoGB3M6jWJqbdNtv7kEqiSX2C3E/pWd+yzQEHZ5ezylofOLmfWfBEadedQjltqWSzX0KNwY/M+Uvk7oSRZzEFrgYvpowXIRHluZFSXZ9XIfuX/ANENm1jlBy5/AD3haJZ1tWgA3lnDjTXz51K9MXtrd1oOxBxxPhbukkGLWpBxAB31GU2N/wC9C7Pr0/I32nXr+CHF8RxdtgjvllkC6WszgtYDyvNRnugZRm0E9S1GD3dbxOc07PrcXONnGdqVtZ+ym0ZTJIAuW+00YHNKl9iPD4TuYQyW13kpud9Nw1bmOLIDKqSO0bIhyaXswTqgy2dSD4j55X7AXnddc/wT8PxuIuYY3AAbn7NRGUgxkF97caMJzlesDrSlGKlbrwHGUnG/XiM4JZvHE3bt4EDs1S2SoEqLt7/axXsiRpJO2gAJtZUkKClmbfWrB+HTGJc7QC4zZbSsHVYb/MXe02iAttgwI8t4ipvI1brcRWdO/W8vi1ib2Dui6B2xAZFjLDKFbJPMZ1InoYltzG8VPTcStKUHfeCxaxqFmW0Qc110YBWgX1FwIy6klHTIYjxAyBMTvB8ekQ9tcOmT4a9jVNyLJUO+eY2zFe0JBUkRyADSM3MAFNQfEac1fQS3ZxaXLl0IXuMxk5SqkCxZAgAnQN2sKZ1HmSXeLVut4rTTb63IbjreLK3xlcm7bKllQyWFu52aqDETKgtA1A0WdBZLoHnswvxG5iUcNaDsotocgUEMe0HaiTs+TUSarjla1LJOSegPGIx5NpmQhiAjgKSqntcOtxoDZTp27KTJhR1gytDXrn+CF6mjt1p+S/wXGYtrkXrcL2YaQpWGAQEENzJLEQToNQIloyUUtCcJTb1KA4lj8rEWiCFZgDaYmRaLLbJECe0GXTroTvUskLkc9S24I8Ge8193uqy9xljKQgi62XK2zEoVM+Z2iBXPKo2RKGZy161DTmqkXFTiK3CqdmW0uIWyxJSe94htWhW4lck9LADB28fat27SKQoS3JKoTbaLuZVjxAEWt5Op1G6tum22yqPaJJLrf+AjwUYntWFzMLYNxhKjvE3bkd6SR3MhgH+1Vzy20JwzX161BGEw+LRSoDwLlt4KZS7NiGN0s6wSAiof6oMjSrG4PrwK0prrxJrWMx/dLL9Usw7I6MGsDIT6NeMgaBRq0SVanw63/gknU69PyRWcRjBcNzs2l1sh1yGAR2uZbehBALL3iQCPrDSm1C1r8yKc73ty+pphdvT+6WOva/hkqnTmX3fIzePfFi81xBcYoMVlHZsUb9ybKaaHNDa+vWro5LWfh9blMs+a68fpYXF43HHvC2QVe5lQW7h2t4jISQQHUxZ011P1dABRh16fkHKe+3Wv4L/FLl9RYuKru4W4WyowEsqxmXWN9jJ0OhOlRjld0SldWZRTjGNAOayNNibbqpAe+CWYxkELYMmNHPtLJDn1p+SKnPiutfwU04linutcSX7JLqgLbYhiVwrqjKpIDEtcg9BUssErPj+SOabd1w/BdTiGNGYZDp2pDNZuHMQ93KgCjkotEagHMdSRFRywJ5p/Mt8QuXbuFQrm7TtrGbLbdYi8hudwmcoEzJ5GkrKXoxybcfVfMrDiuMgk2fCrf/Dcl4NxQVGwPdQweRMTIh5YcxZ58iEcSxzAyhQKbUxYuEsDiWRysxIFpVeMswx25PLDp+AZ59Lx+xLb4vizcKmyVQkftDZuMUBF7QoPEcyWh3SdHmeiywtvDPO+74eZDhcbjLQKi2zhrl9pa3clF+kgKdTqDbdmA5BRvGrtB/D5CUpr4/MJ8M4pf7TJfSAQoVkt3ApYhdCXAI1znaIAkgjWMoxtdEozle0iHiPFsUt50t2pQaAm1cbX9lrKmCpDvzBldhGooxau2KU5J2S60IreOxNy7aV0ZAt3XLbugOo7dC5Mwq91DlM+IGdqeWKTt1uDNJtef3I+JcQxIxEorDLntheyusmVruHUOxUhXOUuwiIAI604xjl68RSlLNp1uHX+N4xVY9iMwLADsrp1QXT3oOzZLeUiZLRABBpKEOY3UmluFbj2KkkWhl/aGOyuzCPaAWc27LcJBj6h0PIyR5h2kuQV4LxN7hZbqFGBOWEcKVGU+I8+8BrlMzpoarnFLcThJveEnqBaSWamxD2NVDGTQIQmgBs0wOBoA6aBHTTGOpCEmgDqYDUUAQAAOgEUDHTSA41IBKQHUwOBpgLNJAdTELQAgpDFFAHUAdNIBKAGvQNH/9k=" /></div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Dance Routines</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If there was ever a time I didn’t pick up on social cues, it
was during any of my at home dance performances. Bless my parents. They would always
watch with fake excitement as I did some unidentifiable skill and waited for
approval. How did they do it so dead pan? Or did they? I’m sure they laughed
watching me do my choreographed interpretive exercise trampoline dance to Hansen’s
MMMBOP with my friend Kelly. And I’m sure I was so convinced that I was amazing
that I wouldn’t have even known the laughter was a more of an at-you than with-you
kind. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFBhGLuGIi3jNMVra5-C4BCyGCa7HMpdsdYP3BuRRZF1-Xd8WYXIs-7-AKtHBq-9nrN6NJ2Br4DLprmaX8ZVL8umCjczFeCwfMGyeSZ2Lot-5v7iY1Zuxsk1L7B0G0L8zDxcTrIXVtfa0/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFBhGLuGIi3jNMVra5-C4BCyGCa7HMpdsdYP3BuRRZF1-Xd8WYXIs-7-AKtHBq-9nrN6NJ2Br4DLprmaX8ZVL8umCjczFeCwfMGyeSZ2Lot-5v7iY1Zuxsk1L7B0G0L8zDxcTrIXVtfa0/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
For all I knew they were laughing from sheer delight at having such a
skilled and talented performer in the family. And to prove it, they video taped them all.
Which I was sure was to mail in to some kind of trampoline-dance troupe, not to
save and show me as I pee-cried on the floor laughing as an adult.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Optimism</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Every moment is an opportunity when you’re 4. Literally, 30
seconds have gone by, as far as any 4 year old is concerned, now’s the time to
ask if you can have bubble gum again. EVERYTHING COULD HAVE CHANGED IN THE LAST 30
SECONDS YOU DON’T KNOW!!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
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School is starting back. Do you know what that means? This is
the time where each kid in class gets to bring in like 5 things that represent
them. I was legitimately interested and fascinated by every single item that
every single person brought in. It was like the day of 120 surprises, even
though 12 of them were the troll dolls that sit on the top of the pencil with
the eraser up their butts and at least 2 of them were seriously the gravel
rocks from the bus driveway that hadn’t been paved and quite frankly at this
point wasn’t going to get paved. Every item was a full blown journey into
someone’s entire existence. If kids could freely use exclamation points when
they felt like it they would break that key on the keyboard due to genuine overuse.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now, a coworker has a baby and I wonder how many varieties of
excitement phrases I can say at each indistinguishable picture. To be clear, I’ve
transitioned from getting jacked about a tattered princess Diana limited edition but everyone legit had it Beanie Baby to having someone
I personally know create life and I’m wondering what the social limit is on
time-sharing this joy with them. Like 2 minutes? And then I swing back by 30
minutes later for a follow up comment to make them think I was thinking about
it for the last 30 minutes?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Jumping</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On/Off/Into/Over everything. We were human prepositional
phrases. I actually would get blood blisters on my toes because I couldn’t stop
running off the diving board and landing in the pool for 50 minutes every hour.
Trampolines for DAYZ. Skip it?!?! I loved my skip it so much that when I
accidentally slammed it into the garage door on a particularly risky skip and
broke it my mom drove me straight to the store to get another. And we were not
the family that does that. </div>
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Jumping was the straight up easiest too. Now I do
jump rope at the gym for 45 seconds and I start dry heaving. Which honestly
there should be a trash can over there though you guys, there’s a billion trash
cans in this gym, none in the jump rope area? You haven’t even slightly been on
the wrong end of that plan yet?<o:p></o:p></div>
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All in all, being a kid was the straight up best. If I could
use time travel for 1 thing it would be to travel back in time and get to be a
kid again for like a week- as a vacation from being an adult. Or to go back and
stop Hitler but OK that’s everyone’s answer I don’t even think that’s reasonable
like it took ½ the world to stop him can I please just be 7 without judgement
on this answer.<o:p></o:p></div>
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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-24458066768517931232016-05-17T09:57:00.001-07:002020-01-24T08:00:20.940-08:00Me as a Trash Panda<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
Aside from Dolly, my black baby panther that is secretly me reincarnated come back to love me in the most unconditional way and make me emotionally codependent on a 7 pound feline, there's no other animal that gets me more than a raccoon. And that is the last time I will call them that, because we all know they are actually just trash pandas.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when skinny people say they don’t
diet or exercise</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<img alt="Image result for raccoons hand over mouth" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQpFZy1NJ5Ph2DQ43JbmvyIsmCkehYB3FkZlkq4qgOSubsCWyGJ&s" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me trying to decide if I should
get a side of cheese dip at Willys</span><br />
<br />
<img alt="Image result for raccoon thinking" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me the day after I get my
highlights and they haven’t leveled out yet</span><br />
<br />
<img alt="Image result for raccoons" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ4iULfUg5Aug89Yho-7ZM3tO0COyR1if9WB-OyEOi9BOgImHlJ&s" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">What I wake up to at 6:30 on
Saturday mornings from a 4 year old</span><br />
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon face in camera" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQOgKDw9kS-V2TXMtrQtBEQ446GSC7cabd_A1ZJ2ktibJ-zR-5E&s" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">My husband when I am about to say
something like “Snitches get stitches” to the kids to teach them a life lesson
about tattle telling</span><br />
<br />
<img alt="Image result for raccoon with babies" height="199" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/95/b4/85/95b4853acf888afecbdfbf8510b693ab.jpg" width="320" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when I’ve said something a
little too honest to my friend about how her outfit looks and now I feel badly</span><br />
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon hugging dog" height="320" src="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/af/19/9b/af199b4f6389578201b6d3be49843b2e.jpg" width="320" /><br />
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<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when I’m trying to be
culturally sensitive about a topic I know nothing about</span><br />
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon in chinese hat" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when at that point I just can’t
even anymore</span><br />
<br />
<img alt="Image result for tired raccoon" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">The result of me saying “I’m going
to wing it”</span></div>
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon stuck in tree" 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" /><br />
<br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when I’m left in charge of more than 3 children at 1 time</span></div>
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<img alt="Image result for mom raccoon with babies" height="320" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/98/99/dd/9899dd9b63eadfa32ab7d3f2dbd5a76d.jpg" width="240" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when the doorbell rings and it’s
the Thai delivery</span></div>
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon running" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when I check my bank account
balance after I’ve paid all the bills</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<img alt="Image result for surprised raccoon" height="320" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a7/2b/92/a72b9275092a494e2def2dc096808957.jpg" width="215" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me having to be nice to people I
don’t like</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon stealing food" height="320" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2d/38/07/2d3807469e8460431770a406443b6f21.jpg" width="270" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me when someone tries to touch my
face or hair</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7hqL3nPYKQIwdvqsN3gix3yF0dA9hDdQv-So2QILu3UoNYuqg&s" /><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;">Me in every picture where I am
forced to smile</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.25in;"><br /></span></div>
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<img alt="Image result for raccoons" 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" 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Me when I think I've picked up the last toy and come around the corner to see the den has been made a disaster again</div>
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon holding stuffed animal" height="320" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3d/82/7d/3d827dc0da3bdb724c057569725cc1b8.jpg" width="260" /></div>
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Literally just me. All the time.</div>
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<img alt="Image result for raccoon caught in light" 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" 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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-4507718165245238892016-05-05T06:09:00.003-07:002019-08-08T13:53:41.545-07:0036 Airport Thoughts<br />
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1. How are this many people traveling on a Thursday.</div>
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2. I'm definitely going to miss my flight</div>
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3. Where does this line even start OH MY GOSH NO.</div>
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4. This airport line is my personal prison</div>
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5. Yessss the bomb dog is walking over here</div>
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6. That is the cutest effing dog I've ever seen</div>
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7. If they didn't want me to pet him they should have put a sign on him or something </div>
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8. Apparently there's a huge sign on him saying Do Not Pet</div>
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9. Ok but how else would I let him know how proud I am of him?</div>
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10. Whatever. That bomb dog loves me.</div>
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11. Holy cow this line just warp sped up</div>
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12. Of course my phone is crashing right now</div>
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13. "Hi sorry! My boarding pass is loading. Haha... sorry... just a sec... you guys go in front of me...</div>
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14. Oh my gosh I need a pedicure</div>
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15. I wonder if the people in this line are as aware of my disaster pedicure as I am</div>
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16. Why is that girl bringing a full sized bedroom pillow?</div>
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17. Enjoy putting that on the xray belt, and then putting your face on it.</div>
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18. Like, that's 1 of her 2 carry ons. What even.</div>
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19. Did I feed dolly? </div>
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20. Whatever she's a survivor.</div>
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21. I'm starving</div>
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22. I need coffee</div>
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23. **looks at coffee line** I do not need coffee that badly</div>
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24. I mean I get that you want to be comfortable on the plane, but you are still in public. You're legit wearing pajamas.</div>
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25. Why is that woman so dressed up? You're about to be on a plane, the can't be comfortable.</div>
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26. I have so much work to do on this plane</div>
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<span caretmarkerset="INVALID" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">27. I can't wait to be insanely productive on this plane</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="INVALID" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">28. If I have to gate check my bag I'm going to throw a bitch fit.</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="INVALID" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">29. If people wouldn't shove their full sized pillows in the overhead compartment maybe my bag would fit.</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">30. I mean, you can't just stay seated in the aisle seat and force me to crawl over you to get to my window seat. That's not a thing.</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="INVALID" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">31. Oh my gosh that person is already asleep haha</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="INVALID" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">32. It's 10 am how are you asleep?</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="INVALID" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">33. I miss Sky Mall Magazine</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">34. I feel like flight attendants have to get therapy for how much they hate the seat belt spiel.</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">35. Ok, take off. As soon as the bell dings I'm going to bust out this laptop and get to work.</span></div>
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<span caretmarkerset="" class="markedForCaretMarkerRemoval" name="BB10">36. **takes nap the entire flight**</span></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-68762423443185613702016-04-14T17:37:00.001-07:002020-01-24T08:22:12.824-08:00HGTV<div class="MsoNormal">
HGTV Shows<o:p></o:p></div>
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For the past forever we have been without real actual rich
people cable and have been using Sling which is slang for “I’ll take a random
assortment of channels for $20/month”. One such channel is HGTV. I’m convinced
that everyone watches this channel as much as we do. All the time. There are a
total of 4 shows on this channel, all of which are equally as absurd and we
cannot take our eyes off them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Flip or Flop<o:p></o:p></div>
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You guys thought I was going to start with Fixer Upper, didn’t
you. Well I’m not. I’m starting with Flip or Flop because it’s the most
obnoxious and it’s on for the next 3 hours. It is about a couple named Tarek
and Christina. </div>
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Tarek, despite his name, is not a rich oil magnate from Yemen but is a lily white guy who is allergic to thinking about a home purchase for
longer than 12 seconds. Christina is an attractive tall blonde woman who cannot
keep her lisp at bay. She says more words containing the letter “S” than any
other human, and every time it’s a drop in the 30 minute Chinese water torture bucket
that is hearing her say “housth” and “sthunroom” and “sthtunning”.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This couple is the definition of “Every pot has a lid”. They
are <b>sthoul matesth</b>. Things they have
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<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> 1. </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Thinking
massive cracks running throughout the foundation and flooring have nothing to
do with a structural issue with the home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;">2. </span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Assessing that a master bathroom gut and reno
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And last but not least, screaming “WHAT?!?!” in stereo every
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I have watched them successfully sell 1 home, over the dozen
episodes I’ve seen. That means that they currently own 11 flops. WHAT?!?!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Fixer Upper<o:p></o:p></div>
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OK duh I couldn’t wait to do this. Really annoyingly,
Buzzfeed has beaten me to a review of this show, which makes me feel robbed.
This show is #everythinggoals. Andy have watched them shabby chic and shiplap people’s
faces off for so many hours that we have started to resent them and just make
up flaws they have. We spent 12 minutes the other night rewinding the scene
where Joanna does a cartwheel because Andy was convinced she either had a tramp
stamp or lower back hair. She had neither. Because she’s flawless.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<img alt="Image result for joanna gaines jumping" 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" 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All I want is to be Joanna Gains. Her hair has an absurd
amount of volume in it for being in a ponytail on demo day. She has had 4
photoshopped children and you still couldn’t pay me to be in a swimsuit next to
her. She always knows when to wear her rainboots and it doesn’t even look like
they make her the least bit sweaty like they do to me. She has access to a printer
that can print 1:1 scale photos of homes on wheels. Bump Victoria’s Secret
models, she’s the one setting impossible standards.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<img alt="Related image" height="320" src="https://hgtvhome.sndimg.com/content/dam/images/hgtv/fullset/2016/6/7/0/Joanna-gallery_HFXUP312_023.JPG.rend.hgtvcom.616.924.suffix/1465306931245.jpeg" width="213" /></div>
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Just. Hair Volume for dayz.</div>
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House Hunters International<o:p></o:p></div>
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This show has absolutely zero consistency. One episode the
realtor was actually an emu you guys. Every time they showed her face I almost
screamed and kept saying “why are they using an emu to sell them a beach home?!?!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The couples on this
show have no business living in the same home, and the tagline is always like “She
wants a fixer upper detached home on the beach where they can do a full scale
reno themselves. He wants a move-in ready condo nowhere near a beach and he
doesn’t even own a hammer. Can this emu find something that will make them both
happy for less than $12?” Hint: nope.<br />
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Property Brothers<o:p></o:p></div>
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My favorite part of watching this show is seeing how long I
can go without making a joke about how the two brothers definitely make out. And if
they would just admit it, can you imagine how much fun you could have with word
play titles for this show? “Invest and Incest”. There, that took me like a
second. But ok, “They are just brothers”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<img alt="Image result for property brothers piggy back" 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" /></div>
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These two also subscribe to the notion that you can put 6 figures
of granite into a home and the renovation pays for itself. They also only
renovate like 2 rooms. So the rest of the house is always still a complete and
utter dump. But they pack a 1-2 punch on realtor/contractor and I legitimately
never have any idea which one does witch. I’m convinced this is a fixer upper
themed freaky Friday and there’s just 1 person to play both roles. The requirement
to have your home done by them is know nothing about renovating a home, be the
kind of person that requests 2 dishwashers 3 days before the reno is complete,
and be totally fine with the brothers decorating choices involving white leather
upholstery. Because duh.<o:p></o:p></div>
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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-17287537841896787772016-01-21T10:53:00.006-08:002020-01-24T08:30:56.082-08:00Family Reunions<div class="MsoNormal">
My family has 2 family reunions every year. One is Christmas
themed and is taking place in a few days (missing it) and one takes place in
the summer in Kite, Georgia. That summertime one hits the nail on the head with
every, single, white-family-from-the-south family reunion stereotype.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Competition</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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I wish we were the cool family that had “organized sports”
with t-shirts at our family reunions, and that would be our healthy outlet for
the bitter sibling rivalries that have gone on for the better part of 6
decades. We have nothing of the sort. So instead we have our own decathlon-esque
style of being competitive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWPuiR3T35BIK9zHOaCnUHPv2QGBUcfRf-8lO_mQogFnDSIbpigOoTHt650l0RV_suVQxrWm89AHiufp_adN7mWX6ks3ARJi6odOvte4o0DKufW_g0RSEDrlsgoRJgMC2wWc2O87Rgtpk/s1600/sack+race.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWPuiR3T35BIK9zHOaCnUHPv2QGBUcfRf-8lO_mQogFnDSIbpigOoTHt650l0RV_suVQxrWm89AHiufp_adN7mWX6ks3ARJi6odOvte4o0DKufW_g0RSEDrlsgoRJgMC2wWc2O87Rgtpk/s320/sack+race.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Round 1:</b> All the moms sit around and compete-brag on their
kids. “Oh your son got a full scholarship to college? My daughter did too AND
she’s going to be joining the swim team”. The instrumentals for the song “Anything
You Can Do I Can Do Better” plays subtlety in the background during this round.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Round 2:</b> The displays of talent. Naturally every child is a
snowflake in my family, and super special. This must be paraded around. Musical
performances were always a must, and the cousins would bring their instruments
to play – we had flutes, I played the piano, my cousin brought his bassoon one
year. A bassoon. Like some weird twist between the von Trapp family and the
movie Deliverance.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2VL7wT2Nk960FIPSwHGcMZQRGDRvvAtz_PdCu4YnSkYEzVCyCS2FJmFwGTJNVyNMY6w7cVUDUSf_er7UZ1MQftbYjgwlmCO5k41SeV3IlwmGdE-_ok4bLuoIQ5klOF9ar8G_ZX0IEBc/s1600/bands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2VL7wT2Nk960FIPSwHGcMZQRGDRvvAtz_PdCu4YnSkYEzVCyCS2FJmFwGTJNVyNMY6w7cVUDUSf_er7UZ1MQftbYjgwlmCO5k41SeV3IlwmGdE-_ok4bLuoIQ5klOF9ar8G_ZX0IEBc/s320/bands.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Round 3:</b> “Games”. For some reason there is always a ping
pong table and a pool table at these events. Even as children, these games got fiery.
One time when we were playing pool my cousin must have done something really
awful, I don’t recall, but I do know that the only legitimate move for me was
to hit him upside the head with my pool stick. And to this day I stand by that
move.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Setting</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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The only proper way to have a family reunion is to A. Have
it in a town that no one in the entire state has ever heard of and B. Have it
when it is eleventy banillion degrees outside. You know how you get to Kite, Georgia?
You go to Swainsboro, and you look at which direction from Swainsboro looks
like it has the highest amount of nothing happening, and head in that direction
for 30 minutes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<img alt="Image result for middle of nowhere" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" 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Also please act like the house has air conditioning.
Instead, there are just several industrial sized box fans scattered about the
lawn for people to catch a breeze. How we managed to procure a dozen 4-foot
tall box fans but we couldn’t just maybe get a window AC unit is beside the
point. If you need me at these events, I will be standing within 2 millimeters
of the front of one of these fans. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFRONyHxl8lst88OV1rSaOfK7Zx-k4MtF1V1PsXsiErj-9dLngB2hO2qPl4vZtPxceaU1it5Hao2XGwqgGK3xzvD28xUd-dyrdTb3U6TN2Zn5_PNoHAqWY1_-KRB1EmbdjFbEliUL1DHI/s1600/boxfans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFRONyHxl8lst88OV1rSaOfK7Zx-k4MtF1V1PsXsiErj-9dLngB2hO2qPl4vZtPxceaU1it5Hao2XGwqgGK3xzvD28xUd-dyrdTb3U6TN2Zn5_PNoHAqWY1_-KRB1EmbdjFbEliUL1DHI/s320/boxfans.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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There is also a plastic baby pool that has been inexplicably
filled up and the kids can just stew in the lukewarm cess pool that is a
forgotten baby pool in Kite, Georgia. One year when I was 12 I had brought my
swimsuit for this exact purpose in hopes it could cure the pain that is a South
Georgia summer. A child at this event (unknown who he is. Are we related? WHO
ARE YOU!?) actually serenaded me with the song “My Girl” when he saw me in my
swimsuit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3k5942R6QG9izRekWLFSaAAEUk3JGYcH2jdOOX3oOrLwPOWi4qndbK0dGIvMNxI6udk_u6cdcO8z5Bv5X_q0-ZRTYFDR6_EsZPDmUMyn22ne_7RH6bJqFUHI0vQ8qssEubp91jUh6Y9s/s1600/kiddie-pool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3k5942R6QG9izRekWLFSaAAEUk3JGYcH2jdOOX3oOrLwPOWi4qndbK0dGIvMNxI6udk_u6cdcO8z5Bv5X_q0-ZRTYFDR6_EsZPDmUMyn22ne_7RH6bJqFUHI0vQ8qssEubp91jUh6Y9s/s320/kiddie-pool.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The Food<o:p></o:p></div>
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If anything is going to happen at a family reunion it’s that
everyone is going to play real fast and real loose with the word “salad”. The
buffet table is just a smorgasbord of all the different ways you can combine mayonnaise
with other condiments, add a starch, and call it a day. Rules of the salads are
as follows: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1 1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->You must use mayonnaise<br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> 2.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">You may not use an actual vegetable</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--> 3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Russian-roulette style, one of the salads needs to
have been left out of refrigeration too long. You will not know which it is.
You will get food poisoning from this salad.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And everyone knows that the table is not complete without 4
bags of Sunbeam Yeast Rolls, just sitting in the bag, and everyone reaches
their hands in and rips off 3-4 squares of bread to sop up the “salad” with.
Hearty.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEialeqfdiWQMNQwF7XUhLTLHkho8zfWwjpKgFFOyUDLsBIWJRpj8UAcD6dwQzJYIgp8teiIxzUsocX0yo0vFBEaqrQn-3FG_WJoTzy8X7n8ZAfcEjN4QTq_TQeMggA0PHYePc_bVhk54MQ/s1600/salad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEialeqfdiWQMNQwF7XUhLTLHkho8zfWwjpKgFFOyUDLsBIWJRpj8UAcD6dwQzJYIgp8teiIxzUsocX0yo0vFBEaqrQn-3FG_WJoTzy8X7n8ZAfcEjN4QTq_TQeMggA0PHYePc_bVhk54MQ/s320/salad.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-56377330381580963362016-01-18T08:29:00.000-08:002020-01-24T08:30:07.724-08:00Men vs Women<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s basically a widely known fact that there is a perpetual
battle going on for which gender is more difficult to deal with. Well, I’m here to tell you that
the battle is over. Men and Women are both the absolute worst.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Men Can’t Find Anything</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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You know that scene in Star Wars when Obi Wan uses his Jedi
powers and says “These are not the droids you are looking for”? Turns out that
whole scene was completely worthless because he was saying it to a group of
men. There was already a zero percent chance they were going to find the droids
either way, because men are legitimately incapable of locating anything. </div>
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<img alt="Image result for man looking for something" height="180" src="https://st.depositphotos.com/1518767/1554/v/600/depositphotos_15548543-stock-video-dark-haired-man-looking-at.jpg" width="320" /></div>
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You
might be like “Yea but the droids were, like, right in front of them”. That is
inconsequential when it comes to a man locating an object. In fact, the more
right-in-front-of-them an object is, the less likely they are to find it. Obi
Wan’s move was about as Jedi as when I walk into Target and waive my hands in
front of the automatic doors and pretend I did that with my mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<img alt="Image result for jedi automatic doors" src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/8fns1Cwp6G0/hqdefault.jpg" /></div>
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<b>Women Can’t Fill Anything</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that I am not the only woman who can say that I will
always be on the last drop of gasoline and the last percent of a cell phone
battery. At all times. My gas light coming on in my car functions exclusively
to tell me that I have 33 more miles that I can drive without thinking about
gas. You know what I don’t have? 34 miles. You know how I know that? The hard
way. Twice. </div>
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<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img alt="Image result for woman stuck on side of road out of gas" src="https://image1.masterfile.com/getImage/NzAwLTAyMjYwMTA2ZW4uMDAwMDAwMDA=AIbp95/700-02260106en_Masterfile.jpg" /></div>
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Doesn’t stop me. This doesn’t happen to men. Men are like “I have a
quarter tank, better fill up”. That concept is lost on me. Getting gas is such
an absurd grind. I keep making my boyfriend switch cars with me for no reason
every few days because I know he’ll have whatever car he’s driving filled up.
Problem solved.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The level to which I’m interested in charging my phone is
the exact amount it is charged: 2%. I am so sorry that I don’t want to be
tethered to the wall like a leashed pit bull at a mobile home park, with a 2
foot radius that I can move about while my phone takes a decade to install the trillionth
iphone update. The only outlet in our den is directly in front of the
gate-to-hell heat vent. So I have to either sit over there next to the heat
vent and actually smell my own skin burning, or I have to leave my phone there
and go without it for 30 minutes like a Neanderthal. Both options suck. So my
phone is never charged beyond 11%. Deal with it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Men Don’t Get Anything and Women are Vaults</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Unfortunately women have a higher mental complexity than a houseplant.
A tick more multidimensional. This therefore exceeds the natural ability of a
man to even slightly comprehend what is happening. Ever. I would argue that at
minimum once a day a guy has absolutely no idea what is going on. As if 26
pages in a book about his life all got stuck together and when he turned the
page he’s like “Wait a minute, we’re in Kansas now? Who is this character? It’s
Christmas?!” Every. Day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Image result for confused man reading" src="https://image.shutterstock.com/image-photo/young-business-man-confused-what-260nw-129115193.jpg" /></o:p></div>
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This pairs really well with the woman’s irrational need to
be in a relationship with a mind reader. And everything to a woman can be blown
to an infinite proportion at a whim. “Yellow flowers? You’re giving me yellow
flowers? I thought I made myself <i>clear</i>
that I feel personally victimized by yellow flowers when I told you ‘yellow
flowers are tacky’ twelve years ago. It’s as if you’ve COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN
that my boyfriend in 4<sup>th</sup> grade gave Holly Finks a yellow flower on
Valentine’s Day and I cried about it. Do you even know me?!?!” That basically
is something I’ve said to the letter with the specifics change to protect the innocent.<o:p></o:p></div>
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How does this even work? I’ve had MULTIPLE conversations
with my best friend Allison about how if I could just learn to like women my
life would be so much easier. But would it? Because if I had to be in a
relationship with someone like me we would both be showcased on an I.D. channel
special about how two women simultaneously plotted each other’s death and would
have flawlessly gotten away with it. And how about men. How do 2 men have a
relationship without starving to death both trying to find the milk INSIDE THE
FRIDGE WHERE THE MILK LITERALLY ALWAYS HAS BEEN. Every single match up iteration
is a full blown catastrophe- but hey, we’re all in this together (High School Musical
10 year reunion BTW!!!!!!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<img alt="Image result for man looking in fridge" height="210" src="https://2rdnmg1qbg403gumla1v9i2h-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2019/02/foodFridgePowerOutage-457207741-770x553-3-650x428.jpg" width="320" /></div>
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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-1911116114188607532016-01-12T13:22:00.000-08:002020-01-24T08:34:27.213-08:00Apparently We Were All Poor<div class="MsoNormal">
As a child there were just certain things you didn’t
question. Your parents would tell you the situation and you would be like “Who
am I to assess the validity of that statement? I’m a child with apparently
incredible vocabulary in this instance”. Well now that we are not children I am
here to tell you one thing – apparently we were all poor. And blithely unaware
of this fact.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Toys</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Do you know how much a Barbie is these days? Five
doll-hairs. Do you know how much a bike is? Like 60 bucks if you get the cool
beads that come on the spokes and the basket. I was under the impression that
these items were made entirely out of conflict diamonds. My sister got my dad’s
old road bike and he spray painted it sparkle purple to make it girly. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfuYiXlFwZkLB4SuN7Z3tYNuEm1z8pUNIgHCzD_fxGz30f0-SGsfKo-WjxSchqDfGa4oKSfS0yqlV5EF7VNSdpd3baH1zn0yADYoKZMtJEvcp6F4hYPqa7eRh5TieXHXBtrrUnGoMlFHU/s1600/repurposed-bike-in-front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfuYiXlFwZkLB4SuN7Z3tYNuEm1z8pUNIgHCzD_fxGz30f0-SGsfKo-WjxSchqDfGa4oKSfS0yqlV5EF7VNSdpd3baH1zn0yADYoKZMtJEvcp6F4hYPqa7eRh5TieXHXBtrrUnGoMlFHU/s320/repurposed-bike-in-front.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I got my
mom’s old Ken doll who definitely had real human hair I’m pretty sure. What was
happening here? Also thank God my dad was MacGyver because the only kite I ever
flew was made out of sticks and wrapping paper. And worked like a charm.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1IIiWfD7U838oLCt4eWLyPJK75tdFer8yO_TNdFDnf8nwB3TMnSWyZXt-gvpx-Ye4O6ENO5ReSiqHi1RhuamD-vnAttCW9DuAzT5N_J0fMW9isk9JdAorK7rYrUn6vbE9SBv4gXa2mfE/s1600/ken+doll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1IIiWfD7U838oLCt4eWLyPJK75tdFer8yO_TNdFDnf8nwB3TMnSWyZXt-gvpx-Ye4O6ENO5ReSiqHi1RhuamD-vnAttCW9DuAzT5N_J0fMW9isk9JdAorK7rYrUn6vbE9SBv4gXa2mfE/s320/ken+doll.jpg" width="273" /></a></div>
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<b>School Projects</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Every school project was the same. First of all, you were going
to need a trifold board. Because how in the actual world could you possibly
present something in any other format. Am I the only one who had to re-use
these things? </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUkVzzqhdiwfdZfPZHBLmg6qteHjyu-peA9K3pSNkEK7yMrPsdtKySRsyAy0nTTsRo78t3kpeKv0M5WV587Ks1Ik_gn_BcDJh5A112CfbmS7rWPRsi3LNLmBC5w3N4ZW_C99dfdFVn44w/s1600/tri+fold.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUkVzzqhdiwfdZfPZHBLmg6qteHjyu-peA9K3pSNkEK7yMrPsdtKySRsyAy0nTTsRo78t3kpeKv0M5WV587Ks1Ik_gn_BcDJh5A112CfbmS7rWPRsi3LNLmBC5w3N4ZW_C99dfdFVn44w/s320/tri+fold.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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I always felt like the integrity of my “Which Denture Adhesive is
the Strongest” was compromised because not only did I have to display this on a
used trifold it was, naturally, on a used trifold that my dad had made. It had
hinges. It was covered in layer upon layer of previous projects, and it was a
hand-me-down from my sister who was 7 years older than I was. If that’s not going green, I
don’t know what is.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Printing</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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The only way you could possibly make your trifold even come
close to winning an award was to use Word Art. The risk here for me was that
colored ink was harvested from the tears of the dodo bird, apparently, and we
can’t be just willy-nilly printing our faces off. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0AJhv5RCz_KTjCUGmiuvT7SiNZ4kZk8rNKEiNZjqXzGxrzcXixhiul5s-po5U4eiziBVzb0C2fu9wK_HsUjmWMYeF5uKWmi8E8GlwJnfH98Ija91pOphzmkDFaFJ2Hi8L9v7jkwUiVAI/s1600/wordart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0AJhv5RCz_KTjCUGmiuvT7SiNZ4kZk8rNKEiNZjqXzGxrzcXixhiul5s-po5U4eiziBVzb0C2fu9wK_HsUjmWMYeF5uKWmi8E8GlwJnfH98Ija91pOphzmkDFaFJ2Hi8L9v7jkwUiVAI/s320/wordart.jpg" width="294" /></a></div>
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Was I allowed to print my
word art titles? Sure. In black and white. Also, good luck with your typo. That’s
not a reprint, that’s a job for white out.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>That’s the Same thing….</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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When I was growing up, Adidas all stars were the coolest. I
wanted a pair sooooo badly, but they were way too expensive at a WHOPPING $30 a
pair. Especially for shoes that now, quite frankly, look like something a
podiatrist would prescribe for plantar fasciitis. You know who made the “same
thing”? Payless. Did they? Or did theirs have 4 stripes instead of 3. At least
let’s just agree that it’s not the same thing. </div>
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<img alt="Image result for superstars payless with 4 stripes shoes" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" 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You know what also isn’t a pair
of JNCO jeans? Lee pipes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<img alt="Image result for lee pipes" height="400" src="https://d2h1pu99sxkfvn.cloudfront.net/b0/783863/480737414_M0J4Lj2iVb/P0.jpg" width="400" /></div>
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At the end of it all you know what actually happened? No, we
weren’t poor. We were kids, and kids are money sponges. And our parents were
not interested in spending $80 on a pair of jeans to make us look like Gumby,
or buying our stupid “projects” a $7 piece of cardboard every time. I one time
made a tri fold about why I should be allowed to be called “Liza” instead of “Ainsley”.
The Wild Thornberries was one of my explanations. That’s stupid. I don’t blame
my parents at all.<o:p></o:p></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-4427360819241244562015-12-16T10:42:00.001-08:002019-08-08T13:53:41.502-07:00Lunch Hour<div class="MsoNormal">
The mall near where I work can be summed up as the answer to
this question: “Where can I go when I need an outfit, I have $12, and I don’t
even want to spend all of that”. Naturally I hate it, and yet when given a slow
day at the office I find myself darkening its doors. Today was one such day. And
it continued to deliver on being legitimately the weirdest.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja-r6i4Y-_oQNp0_j8kak6vUx0T8OUjOiG11ad_VjXESsn7v9y_dwZICRmTpdB43yGB0AnJ1KSp3NHl1G279oqH2n2FX15vbqc2UwueqOD0H_BSMWa6QQu2P2a8uzNNgChX-qsV5w7PPo/s1600/town+center.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja-r6i4Y-_oQNp0_j8kak6vUx0T8OUjOiG11ad_VjXESsn7v9y_dwZICRmTpdB43yGB0AnJ1KSp3NHl1G279oqH2n2FX15vbqc2UwueqOD0H_BSMWa6QQu2P2a8uzNNgChX-qsV5w7PPo/s320/town+center.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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As I pulled into the parking lot I found it harder than
usual to find a spot. This isn’t so much due to the fact that it’s Christmas
time, but more so due to the fact that school busses were taking up the spots.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJbsWa8ZXNoPuMmy8LX5rK8_viH7YBQZTzAUDRxIevGdAiUYCqmlLjy_DtO3MlMEooGxYDCU-_Nv8yKoNKSu4cRrDHgE9rOYmwOX75a6Jy3uWgtIT6uZZ-12RDnAb8Sx0xf1zkligv7Jc/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25284%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJbsWa8ZXNoPuMmy8LX5rK8_viH7YBQZTzAUDRxIevGdAiUYCqmlLjy_DtO3MlMEooGxYDCU-_Nv8yKoNKSu4cRrDHgE9rOYmwOX75a6Jy3uWgtIT6uZZ-12RDnAb8Sx0xf1zkligv7Jc/s320/FullSizeRender+%25284%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I’m sorry, is there a field trip to the mall happening today? Is that real
life? Did some kid have to go home and get his mom to sign a permission slip
and give him $5 for his sack lunch so he could go on a field trip to JC Penny?
What school is this? The only justification I could see behind this is taking
all the slackers on a trip and ghost-of-Christmas-futuring them about where
they are headed career-wise if they don’t shape up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As I’m walking through the mall I walk PAST a disgracefully
embarrassing shoe store called Cathy Jean. What’s your target demographic when
you’re naming a store after someone’s aunt? Aunts. That’s who. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8DWIreAmp0AcqcLjjI7dxYp1jQyAXNETkFhYeug8CrEdB2tZiKhgDhPklDI78RnIrwcHjmL4hEZ7FPlpFwwW8cJAXMM1MCgsUb3gzGL7TJaHWvc87ya8eZPzIO3UOjosmwcwzZm9RlfI/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25283%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8DWIreAmp0AcqcLjjI7dxYp1jQyAXNETkFhYeug8CrEdB2tZiKhgDhPklDI78RnIrwcHjmL4hEZ7FPlpFwwW8cJAXMM1MCgsUb3gzGL7TJaHWvc87ya8eZPzIO3UOjosmwcwzZm9RlfI/s320/FullSizeRender+%25283%2529.jpg" width="292" /></a></div>
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To be clear, I’m
not in this store, and yet a lady FLAGS me down and asks me to help her pick a
shoe out. Her exact words were “Can you help me? I’m trying to go for an Eva
Longoria look and don’t know what shoe to pick”. The only answer I could muster
is “I don’t personally know Ms. Longoria but I’d venture to guess that the 70%
off blow out sale at Cathy Jean isn’t a target rich environment for her shoe
collection. But that beige kitten heel will do.” How is that a real thing that
happened.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I then make my way to Sephora because I’m “technically” out
of foundation but it’s also “technically” my birthday month and I want my free
birthday gift. The line is equivalent to being at the airport the day before
Thanksgiving and not having sky priority or TSA pre check like some unknown
hobo. </div>
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When I finally get to the front the cashier is like “Is this all you’re
buying?!?!” as if to say that I’m crazy for standing in such a line for this
small purchase. Excuse me to the moon and back that the Lord and I share a
birthday month. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for any of it. And quite
frankly I enjoy exercising quite possibly the only self-control I possess and
not buying all the do-dads that your store places like bait in the line to
distract me. You know where I’m about to not exercise said self-control? Great
Wraps in the food court when they ask me if I want to add curly fries.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The food court is the loneliest place on earth. Literally
everyone is sitting at a table by themselves eating Chinese food or a great
wrap that she said no cheese on and she’s obviously going to the gym later and
not eating dinner tonight so it’s no big deal if she gets fries. You know who
very much does not belong in the food court, 9 days before Christmas, barreling
though like she’s been set on fire? A blind lady. And yet there she is. Walking
at such an uncomfortable pace that I start to question if maybe she’s actually
a speed walker and she just likes pushing a walking stick in front of her. I am
so insanely uncomfortable with what she’s doing and also with how much of a
Nostradamus I am because lo and behold she jackknifes an empty chair. </div>
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Of course
you did. I only wish you t-boned the sample lady so I could watch all the
samples cartoonishly fly into the air. And that’s my cue to head back to work.<o:p></o:p></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-39591791171031778682015-11-12T10:04:00.001-08:002019-08-08T13:53:41.459-07:00School is the Weirdest<div class="MsoNormal">
Given my recent foray/cannonball into this whole “kids exist
and not just at the grocery store with their tiny shopping carts” thing I’m
doing these days, it’s gotten me reminiscing about my days in elementary
school.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>(What in the actual world has this poor woman gotten herself into. Literally stop)</i></div>
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And, since I’m technically a grown up, I’ve started to realize that the
“normal” things from 3<sup>rd</sup> grade were in no way normal.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Art Class</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Every child had the luxury of expanding their artistic minds
for 45 minutes a week in art class. This expansion almost always involved a
repurposed baby food jar with “paste” in it. What in the actual world was
paste? What’s happening there? Is this driven by budget cuts? We have to take a
post-apocalyptic approach to art supplies? Homemade glue was keeping this
school afloat? We all had it too. It could not have tasted weirder and before
you judge me for tasting it – everybody tasted it. It came in a food jar. It
was arguably edible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The most astonishing and intriguing part of art class was
the kiln. Don’t you DARE touch the kiln. Don’t touch it, don’t go near it, don’t
even look at it. You know what? Don’t even say kiln. Because a bunch of 53
pound 7 year olds have the ability to destroy a ceramic oven that is so heavy
it had to be brought into the school with a crane. All I remember about it was
that it was massive and it took eleven full days to bake my “Chinese pot” that
I made for my mom, during which time the entire classroom was blazing hot at all
times.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Cafeteria</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Why do
we look back on our times in the cafeteria with such fondness? I remember
LOVING getting a school lunch. Cardboard flavored milk, a rectangle of pizza
that is so undercooked the dough is still raw, those weird Lorna Doone cookies
with the holes in them that you put on your finger like it’s a ring and eat. The
cup of ice cream with the wooden “spoon” that was just a splinter factory for
your tongue but you didn’t care because, ice cream. I flipping loved all of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I also really loved when the cafeteria would get too loud.
We would all see it coming. The teachers would start by standing at the front
of their class’s table and making threats they couldn’t legally keep. Then the
scariest teacher would stand on the stage and scream that “the 4<sup>th</sup>
grade class down the hall is taking a test and they can hear us! This is not
how young ladies and gentlemen behave”. As if an 8 year old’s compassion for other
children taking standardized testing was going to be what stopped the ruckus. Then
the best part. For WHATEVER reason, like Alzheimer’s patients, teachers forgot
what happened last time, and decide that the only possible way to quiet the
crowd is by SHUTTING OFF ALL THE LIGHTS. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Which was a jackpot. Every single child knew what that
meant. It meant you could scream at the top of your lungs and not get caught.
And there was always that one girl who legitimately cried about it. I just
remember being like “You have got to get it together, you’re never going to
make it in the real world, Tiffany”.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<b>Presidential Fitness Test</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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I hated this. Mainly because I was above average in just
about every way you could measure a 7 year old, except I had the flexibility of
an 86 year old woman who just had her hip replaced and my arms were just for
show – no actual strength associated with those noodles. So the V-Sit crushed
me. </div>
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To the point where I would be willing to snap my hamstring in order to
reach whatever threshold I had to reach to achieve greatness and would still
miss it to the extent that my mom had to sign a permission slip to allow me to be so inflexible. Also, pull ups. Come. On. They’d be like “Ok Ainsley, you have
to do 3 pull ups”. No, by all means. Let’s
attempt that. I couldn’t even effectively hang from the pull up bar for 10
seconds. Much less pull my actual self up and over it 3 times. This was just a
slap in the face that no matter what, I was physically inferior and this fact
is confirmed by the President of the United States of America.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-18612520782523329892015-08-24T14:35:00.001-07:002020-01-24T07:34:32.144-08:00Why I'm Indoorsy<div class="MsoNormal">
Every year I get an itch to pretend to be outdoorsy. And by
outdoorsy I mean not just drink on patios outside, but take it a step further.
This usually translates into some version of me and a body of water. This year,
it was white water rafting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you want to go do it for yourself, here’s how this is
going to shake out for you. You are going to show up at the place with your
groupon, pay the additional “river fee” (that can’t be a real thing) and be
pointed into the direction of the “safety barn”. There you will put on a life
vest that someone just peeled off of their body and hung there 2 minutes prior.
This personal flotation device has only ever been damp since the day it was
manufactured. It has never ever once dried out. </div>
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<img alt="Image result for wet life jackets" height="212" src="https://www.jillbjarvis.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Wet-N-Wild-Splashtown-Lifevest.jpg" width="320" /></div>
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You will then put on a helmet
that, again, someone just took off their head from returning from an earlier
trip. To the point where sometimes they just hand it right to you and mock the
faux “these have been sprayed clean” façade that the company is trying to put
forth.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s then time to load up onto a school bus that is
exclusively sized for elementary schoolers and ride to the drop off point. Your
bus driver is a critical component of this trip. First of all, don’t think
about how someone becomes a river rafting bus driver. Don’t think about life’s
twists and turns that lands someone there. What you need to confirm before
getting on is “does this guy have suspenders on?” Because if you ever, EVER,
get on a bus and the bus driver doesn’t have those on, then they’re not a real
bus driver. They’re an impostor bus driver and you are going to crash and die. </div>
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<img alt="Image result for old man with suspenders" height="258" src="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c6/b5/4a/c6b54a3c8d0a4477fdfe2d9f6240680f.jpg" width="320" /></div>
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The alternative is a large african american lady who is kind of mean but its for your own
protection. She is the only suitable replacement to the guy with suspenders.
This goes for all buses by the way, not just river buses. This is my bus-advice.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Once you’re at the drop off point you break into raft groups
and get assigned your guide. Your guide will either have a legendary beard, a
smattering of hippy tattoos, nipple rings, dread locks, all of the above, or
you get the guy who has been doing this for 40 years and he goes by the name
Reverend Dean because he “baptizes” you in the river – AKA everyone always
falls out on his raft. Super.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If I had to assign a theme to white water rafting it’s “You’re
going to die”. I don’t know what kind of Einstein’s these river guides are used
to working with, but they spend 30 minutes giving you advice on how to do
things that I’ve managed to master since I was born. At one point the guide
told us that if you are bobbing up and down in the water, breathe on the up-bobs.
I suggested that maybe we just let our instincts kick in, he told me that would
not be sufficient.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After all this life-changing survival advice, you are left
with about a minute to coordinate the rowing. There will be someone in your
group who has never done this nor has he even spent one second of his life
thinking about how rowing works. He will sit behind you. He will, in essence,
play sword fight with you the entire time, hitting your paddle with his on
every stroke, rendering both of you useless. Your raft will paddle in circles.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The circle paddling is not ideal, since every single rock in
the water has a nickname like “face crusher” and “grumpy” and “widowmaker”. Who
gets to name these rocks? Clearly not the nail polish naming people, that’s for
sure. And as you careen around a liquid version of the doldrums you are warned
things like “if you fall out here swim left or you will get sucked into a
vortex and die and I can’t save you”. You have to try and hear that message
between the continuous **whack** sounds of the guy behind you still hitting
your paddle every effing time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This rock was just called "murder"</div>
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Somehow you manage to make it down to the end without you
and everyone you know dying. At this point you kind of wish Jeff had fallen out
and not swam left, but he’s still behind you, super proud he made it too. Good
job Jeff. Then you pile back onto Mrs. Frizzle’s drizzle bus and drip your way
back to the safety barn to hand your gear over to the next victim. You’ve been
pretty jacked about the fact that somewhere along the way your picture was
taken!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Don’t be jacked about this. 1. You look huge in every
picture. 2. You have 12 double chins 3. You are terrified. There is photographic
evidence of Jeff hitting you in the face with his paddle but at least he’s got
a HUGE grin on his face. Glad you had a blast, Jeff, I really am. They will
allow you to buy the pictures but they won’t allow you to pay them to insure that
they never see the light of day again, which I find rude and quite frankly a
business opportunity missed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At least you did it. You made it. You’re super well rounded
and have checked “do something outdoors this summer” off your list. See you
next year Reverend. You and your nipple rings made my day.<o:p></o:p></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-31253137182908357672015-03-04T08:49:00.002-08:002019-08-08T17:47:58.391-07:00People - Volume 3I have written several posts about people whose existence is beyond my comprehension, but quite frankly I haven't scratched the surface. So here's another stab at identifying these people, in an attempt to make sure that I am not alone in finding these people to be full blown pests.<br />
<br />
<b>The Speed Limit Sheriff</b><br />
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These people consider the speed limit THE LIMIT. As in NOT-TO-EXCEED. As in, there is zero reason why you should be expected to go that fast. And by "that fast" I mean 35 miles per hour. Not only are these people just not in a hurry to be anywhere, ever, but their stance on acceleration/deceleration is "If you can feel it, you're doing it too fast". I was behind one of these human-nightmares today on my way to work, and all I wanted to do was walk up to their car (since they were going slowly enough for me to catch up to them on foot) and ask them "Do you have cupcakes?". Because not spilling a dozen cupcakes is the only reason I can think of to drive like this.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyAVJ8oexCHA15JsfrEIzzBQKnZJ2v2XNuA58_veIoVeMsAMp9JWpeFjQHKHG-RK7LUmbCPfuuDK-j1HCRBqk1bBF1ASfr0RbfMYvaSqeY7MD76uVHC_f52waGmOZs6zfN1ma3destz6k/s1600/cupcakes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyAVJ8oexCHA15JsfrEIzzBQKnZJ2v2XNuA58_veIoVeMsAMp9JWpeFjQHKHG-RK7LUmbCPfuuDK-j1HCRBqk1bBF1ASfr0RbfMYvaSqeY7MD76uVHC_f52waGmOZs6zfN1ma3destz6k/s1600/cupcakes.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>The Normal Clothes Gym-goer</b><br />
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I could legitimately write an entire blog about the types of people at the gym. Talk about people watching. Especially at the YMCA where I go because I like a bargain on my gym membership and I like getting the village people song stuck in my head 3-5 days a week. Inevitably, at any gym, there is someone in there who looks like the fact that they are even there snuck up on them. Full pair of jeans, polo shirt, tennis shoes purchased at Costco for $19. Just pumpin' away at the leg press - 7.5 pounds.<br />
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Did you know you were going to be coming here? Do you personally like sweating in jeans? These people are also the ones you will find on the stationary bike being almost completely stationary themselves. To the point where they can hold and read a hardback book without it moving. Way to leave it all out on the field you guys.<br />
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<b>The People Who Turn Everything into a Guilt Trip</b><br />
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I personally am obsessed with the fact that people do this. But the obsession I'm talking about is more similar to the fascination we all had when we saw the show "Hoarders" for the first time. Just constant - How did you get there?! I'm talking about when an internet sensation like a momma cat snuggling her baby cat or a blue and black dress that is clearly blue and black and not gold and white sweeps the nation, someone will inevitably make a social media post that shames everyone for talking about such a trivial topic when "people are getting beheaded by ISIS" or "Ebola killed a dog". How. How did you take it there?! This is the 2nd iteration of "Eat your peas, there are kids starving in Africa". Is me eating the peas making the starving people feel better? Or should I be sending the peas over? I simply love the logic here and I LOVE how many people are like "OH AGREED!!" when someone does it.<br />
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I am not ashamed that I definitely looked at that blue and black dress. The only thing to be ashamed about is if you thought it was white and gold.<br />
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<b>The People Who Use Ringtones as Chinese Water Torture</b><br />
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This. Is pure murder. There is a certain someone that I work with who is SUPER pumped about his/her ring tone. They have had the same one for 4 years. They see no need to have it set to anything but ear-bleedingly loud. It's really kitchy. It goes off dozens of times a day. It is maddening.<br />
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When I emailed said person asking them to consider, I don't know, vibrate when at the office, the list of reasons I got as to why that's absurd was incredible:<br />
1. I'm really important and need to be reached at all times<br />
2. It needs to be loud in case I'm in a loud environment and I otherwise couldn't hear it - the decibel level of a jumbo jet engine should suffice<br />
3. This is how my family reaches me, what if they have an emergency and can't get in touch with me because I didn't hear my phone.<br />
4. Why do you want my child to be dead in a ditch and can't call me to say goodbye?!?<br />
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The best way to combat this person? Download their ringtone. Set it for your text messages, emails, calendar notifications... everything. Set it to loud. Stand as closely to them as possible at all times. They will in no way notice what you're doing but operating at this level of passive aggressive is purely entertaining.AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-12303926833868820722014-08-04T11:22:00.001-07:002019-08-08T13:53:40.902-07:00Why the Pool Was Actually The Worst<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6106923232242669658" name="_GoBack"></a>As summer is coming to an end, I
started to reminisce about the days of yore when I lived and breathed for
summertime. Especially when it came to the pool. But then I remembered all the
asinine things about the pool and decided that only a child would love that
environment.</div>
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<b>Pool Floaties<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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These were intentionally the most uncomfortable things on
the planet, so as to almost incentivize you into learning how to swim on your
own faster. Why was the arm hole the size of a golf ball? Whose arm was that
small? It took at least one full blown adult to yank those things up a child’s
arm. And then you’d just go run and jump in the pool and one would effortlessly
slip off and you’re left clinging for your life while the one floating arm is
all that’s left keeping you alive.</div>
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<b>Pool Shoes<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Even as a child I aptly named these things “drown shoes”. I
was FORCED to wear them when, usually about midway through the summer, my feet
were so raw from going off the diving board all day every day that they were
bleeding.</div>
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I would wear these miniature anchors and jump off the diving board
straight into a physical fitness test to see if I could get to the side of the
pool without the lifeguard having to dive in. Because that’s what my awkward,
muscle-less body needed: a life-or-death coordination challenge.</div>
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<b>Adult Swim<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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The lifeguards timed this every-hour-on-the-hour 10 minute
hiatus using microwave minutes. Every second of this bore-fest dragged on into
an eternity. We were relegated to playing non-pool games which exclusively
equaled foursquare.</div>
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(What kind of bullshit foursquare is this?!? Get back in your square!!)</div>
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And then some nightmare teenager would come in and shoe
shine all the younger kids, and have a tea party with their best friends and
you would be forced to weirdly sit with one foot in the pool. As if having 10%
of your body in the pool was comforting and also a way to “stick it to the man”
and by man I mean 15 year old life guard taking a cigarette break.</div>
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(Picture these being my feet.... only with shoes on.)</div>
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<b>Sharks and Minnows<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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This game is stand alone evidence that God exists. Because
there was zero reason why I didn’t die playing this game. Here’s the sound
logic of 12 year olds: You are outside of the pool on one side – you are a
minnow. The “sharks” are in the pool on the other side. They start to swim
over. You have to dive in (usually over their heads as if you were
participating in an equestrian style water-pony jumping competition) and try to
reach the other wall without getting tagged. </div>
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As if that’s not dangerous enough,
we added a rule that the drains at the bottom of the 10 foot deep pool were “bases”
as well. So we would torpedo down to grab the drains as a ½ way safe place. The
sharks got smart to this and would rip minnows off the drains, causing them to be
out. So what did minnows do? JAM THEIR FINGERS INTO THE DRAINS SO WE COULDN’T GET
RIPPED OFF. I hate even retelling that story.</div>
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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-28221668742527279242014-07-19T08:19:00.002-07:002019-08-08T13:53:41.329-07:00How I Know I Wouldn't Have Made it in High School TodayI seriously don't know how kids do it. Or for that matter, their parents. Kids, regardless of the generation, will always be complete and total idiots. I was no exception, but at least my parents had the luxury of keeping my stupidity off the internet so that it didn't come back 20 years later and ruin my chances of marrying a congressman. Luckily I was able to ruin those chance myself by making this blog as an adult anyways.<br />
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<b>Reason 1: What was I doing with my hair</b><br />
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Everyone says this about their middle and high school days, and it's really annoying because it takes the real attention from those of us who seriously were deranged. Don't be like "oh my gosh in 1993 I crimped my hair". Really?? In 8th grade I used SIXTEEN shiny metal barrettes to pin back the 1/2 of my head of hair that had been dedicated to hiding my forehead (which from here on out will be referred to as my five-head).<br />
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I was the only kid in 8th grade who still had bangs, or who used this contraption to schlick them back.<br />
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I also was under the impression that you should use white lipstick from wet n wild as eye shadow, and that if you got a perm and you didn't like it just rip a curling iron through your hair and don't ever curl it up-boom, makeshift straightener.<br />
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This is me at the 8th grade dance. If you can believe it, I didn't have a date<br />
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<b>Reason 2: Fashion Choices</b><br />
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Again, there are a lot of thunder-stealers out there like "Oh man, I was bad, I wore acid wash jeans". You're dumb, everyone did and quite frankly they are kind of making a comeback and I hope you make that mistake again. I was COMMITTED to long sleeve shirts and shorts. As if the top half of my body was in a total different climate than the lower half.<br />
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I, without a doubt, look like I completely stole my hair decision from Lady in the movie Lady and the Tramp. I also was regretting my long sleeve shirt in the middle of summer because I've got those sleeves hiked up to my arm pits. Maybe run inside and slap on a t-shirt Ainsley. And speaking of arm pits, you might want another layer of speed stick.<br />
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<b>Reason 3: Everything I did I thought was brilliant</b><br />
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This is the epidemic with today's youth, and what will be their downfall. In 30 years the president of the United States will have to be someone who grew up poor and didn't have a smart phone. Which I'm on board with #LandOfOpportunity<br />
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This is me being EXTREMELY impressed with myself that I could "surf".<br />
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Granted this is not a picture of me surfing, but it's suggesting that I did. It didn't dawn on me that the fact that I was able to stand on a ironing board intended for the Hulk and ride a 6 inch wave for 4 seconds wasn't really something to capture on camera. But up until now this embarrassment has been in my private collection. If this were me today, it would have blown up instagram #surfing #beach #ilovetosurf #surfergurl #ripcurl #iloveflorida #hangten #charliesangels #surf<br />
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Lastly, I don't have a category for this picture because it honestly fits all of the above.<br />
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Horrible hair, check. Long sleeve t-shirt and shorts combo (Tommy Jeans for life!), check. Standing next to a flower bed in what appears to be a parking lot and thinking that was picture worthy, check. I'd also like to point out that there was absolutely no reason why we had to face the sun in the middle of the day. This is why I had to get botox starting at age 24. My five-head didn't stand a chance against all of those UV rays. Also, my mom looks like she's seriously holding me hostage. Maybe my dad was like "squint if you're a prisoner". #iloveyoumom<br />
<br />AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-92218819342182771192014-06-20T08:58:00.001-07:002019-08-08T13:53:41.887-07:00The Week I Spent Learning How to Be a Leader<div class="MsoNormal">
I recently got to spend a week in Belgium, paid for by my
company, so that I could learn the tricks of the trade when it comes to being a
leader. I am on this team with colleagues from all over the world. The word
“global” gets used to describe this a lot. What could possibly go wrong.</div>
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The theme of this trip was to connect with nature and team
building. This little excursion took place in what I can only describe as Mount Everest. “What? Mount Everest isn’t in Belgium!” you might say. And I can
say that you are officially wrong because I traipsed up and down the mountains
so many times I can confirm it was in fact the tallest mountain in the world.</div>
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First of all, the company putting this on was called
Unicorn. And the “coaches” that taught us things were called Unicorn Coaches.
UNICORN COACHES! That is officially the best job title on the planet.</div>
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It's like this, plus a clipboard and whistle.</div>
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We did a lot of hiking with maps. The first challenge
grouped us in teams and dropped us at a random place for 10 minutes to “check
out the scenery”, and then the plan was to drive us somewhere else, drop us off
with a map, and see if we can find our way back on foot to the original site.
The path to drive us there was this:</div>
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I felt like One. Million. Dollars. Cue the car sickness.
Then my team assembles to figure things out. We have two options: we can go
left along the gravel road, or right down into the pit of hell on what looks
like it used to be a trail during the battle of the Bulge. We naturally go
right into Hades, and if you can believe it, that was NOT the correct
direction. So, we get to drag our sorry selves BACK up the cliff face. At this
point people are literally passing out. We lose.</div>
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Day 2 is a solo adventure. Same kind of concept, but by
yourself. At a certain point I’m actually running through a cow pasture and
bolting into a forest by myself in Belgium. Wearing lion king themed pants.</div>
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Then I hit a clearing and see a path. That’s a good looking
path. As I run down I think to myself “man, all the paths here are super
steep!”. Are they, Ainsley? Are they? Or is that the SAME EXACT DEMON DEAD-END
PATH you went down yesterday. So I, AGAIN, have to drag myself, AGAIN, back up
that stupid mountain. Then I meet up with the Russian guy who has also been
scorned by that she-devil of a cliff and we team up and finish the challenge
together. Russia guy and I are now friends for life. He’s the closest I will
ever come to having a brother in arms.</div>
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The worst part about day 2 was that I had to admit to
everyone what I had done. Including the guy that looks EXACTLY like the guy
from the TV show Carrie Diaries who was on my Day 1 team. It was
a real tuck-your-tail-between-your-legs moment.</div>
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Day 3 and 4 are both just as hike-y and just as tough, but
to be fair I was learning a lot about leadership and how long I could go
wearing the same sports bra. I was clearly unprepared for all the “moderate”
physical activity that equaled 5 miles of hike-running a day.</div>
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When I left, I looked like a drowned rat. Partially because
I forgot to bring shampoo, partially because I was completely out of clothes,
and partially because all it does over there is rain. I feel like a better
person for the trip. I’m one with nature. I’m on board with being an effective
leader. I’ve made really good friends
and dealt with the pain of embarrassing myself on a global scale. It was all in all a win. And a jump start to a work out regimen that is not maintainable.</div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-48062592554703711702014-05-07T11:52:00.001-07:002019-08-08T13:53:41.588-07:00Grown Up Disney Facts<div class="MsoNormal">
So when I’m working on something at work and I don’t want to
be disturbed, I put my headphones on and listen to music. It in no way keeps
people away from my desk, but it does give me the chance to listen to Disney
radio on Pandora. As I was listening to these songs from my childhood, I
started to notice things… things that I did NOT pick up on as a child, but that
gnaw at me as an adult. How were these obvious truths lost on me? Was I that
oblivious? Apparently.</div>
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<b>Movie Number 1: Beauty and The Beast</b></div>
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<b>Newly Realized Fact: Gaston and Lefou are in love with each
other</b></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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There are multiple MULTIPLE song and dance numbers that
would prove my point. Highest ranking on that list is the ode to Gaston, sung
by Lefou. The song is actually called “Gaston”. Lefou LITERALLY says “every guy
here would like to be you Gaston, even when you’re taking lumps”. First of all,
gross. Also he says “in a wrestling match, no one bites like Gaston”. So
apparently Lefou is under the impression that what they do behind closed doors
is just “wrestling”. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCoyOW4epX4-WNIpkk1V96ZITjAdYPtc2aMJfj3iGQOGBDgKmeASuYkcjM_neX87wfIML1l_VhzzPmyvrfjNUU7xsrhji0EAsF8G5n7rJ7I9crO_ekN6R65oGsG3RCRAqfxypbYXjhGiw/s1600/mma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCoyOW4epX4-WNIpkk1V96ZITjAdYPtc2aMJfj3iGQOGBDgKmeASuYkcjM_neX87wfIML1l_VhzzPmyvrfjNUU7xsrhji0EAsF8G5n7rJ7I9crO_ekN6R65oGsG3RCRAqfxypbYXjhGiw/s1600/mma.jpg" /></a></div>
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Maybe their friendship blossomed during an innocent bout
of MMA style play-fighting. The heart wants what the heart wants, and Gaston
was obviously sexually confused and frustrated and took it all out on Belle for
rejecting him. I can’t believe Belle held it together and didn’t call him out
on this. She’s a better woman than I am.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Additional Newly Realized Fact: What the heck is going on in
that mansion?!</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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I guess I always just chocked it up to “magic” but I started
to ponder what was going on before the mansion was put under a curse, and I’ve got
to be honest, it was super screwed up pre-witch. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK09KOOFOogMd_zWwIMKMPPK1CixamlWDbxeK5jHCS7nxyKzZQ1v4tSFNKDaCayQ2CAgfV3nb1MKMllhvRFsWjpyXpSZnn2gN_h-bTsAQyHJeG4z43XNzBbgx3cX6lOAaJn3KQoOno0b4/s1600/Beauty-and-the-Beast-Spider-coach.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK09KOOFOogMd_zWwIMKMPPK1CixamlWDbxeK5jHCS7nxyKzZQ1v4tSFNKDaCayQ2CAgfV3nb1MKMllhvRFsWjpyXpSZnn2gN_h-bTsAQyHJeG4z43XNzBbgx3cX6lOAaJn3KQoOno0b4/s1600/Beauty-and-the-Beast-Spider-coach.png" height="267" width="320" /></a></div>
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What the HECK was that spider carriage
before it became alive?! Did he literally have an inanimate spider carriage sitting
around? Where do they get all the food they eat? Who’s running out to buy food?
Is this mansion like it’s own biodome and it’s 100% self sufficient? At a certain
point Beast “gifts” Belle with his library. He clearly doesn’t understand the concept
of a gift.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj_hJ6WHSotU0brCu2tvAC8-PyA7iItmBY83YCKtpFyskvaCNXZVyUfge3dYCwrKobzvX4N2Qqgu49MzIX2tg_fqEa5AHiE0TIf6gFDIaJfRXIswMsw6ScClwJIRyLUwOcQkjuCn6gZg8/s1600/library.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj_hJ6WHSotU0brCu2tvAC8-PyA7iItmBY83YCKtpFyskvaCNXZVyUfge3dYCwrKobzvX4N2Qqgu49MzIX2tg_fqEa5AHiE0TIf6gFDIaJfRXIswMsw6ScClwJIRyLUwOcQkjuCn6gZg8/s1600/library.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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That’s like if I went home and found a candle I have had for years and
don’t really care for and just gave it to someone as a birthday gift, but they have
to come over to my house to light it and use it. She should have turned around and
been like “here I’m surprising you with this bathroom on the 2<sup>nd</sup> floor
that was already there. You’re welcome.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Movie Number 2: The Little Mermaid</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Newly Realized Fact: Eric is an asshole and he’s going to
cheat on Arie</b>l</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivh4dfFz3mLmd2PFN9h3mZo06krX4Z2UgkcHzeco1Z_5f5gvaZfMc5PvPO7lJ9MQZjRykOCrb6-koC8oKbV8DiDZHDdDMAG4a9oqNDLsfB-siOreUFCQwOvtlCSe1S_bktRMWa7WLq2R0/s1600/the-little-mermaid-eric-main.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivh4dfFz3mLmd2PFN9h3mZo06krX4Z2UgkcHzeco1Z_5f5gvaZfMc5PvPO7lJ9MQZjRykOCrb6-koC8oKbV8DiDZHDdDMAG4a9oqNDLsfB-siOreUFCQwOvtlCSe1S_bktRMWa7WLq2R0/s1600/the-little-mermaid-eric-main.jpg" height="205" width="320" /></a></div>
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Eric couldn’t be flakier. First of all he’s a sailor. That’s
equivalent to a modern day pilot, complete with hoes in different area codes.
Second, he obviously likes Ariel, but doesn’t want to commit because she’s not
perfect, so he puts her on the back burner and strings her along til someone
better comes along. We all had this happen to a friend, and we all know how it
ends. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQI8jMq_aocMTFdnEethuDx0SQFkWNE18yno3m9PS1D7etuSMuyVwXOBBotEz3Dmcaau_uurezhMxe3AEsqoMbAw7MYZoBHSr8VvuAQrbXdp0HZBpediPLHXb2UukYBmCcBbqScKpu1_c/s1600/eric+and+witch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQI8jMq_aocMTFdnEethuDx0SQFkWNE18yno3m9PS1D7etuSMuyVwXOBBotEz3Dmcaau_uurezhMxe3AEsqoMbAw7MYZoBHSr8VvuAQrbXdp0HZBpediPLHXb2UukYBmCcBbqScKpu1_c/s1600/eric+and+witch.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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Look at him. Completely emotionless. And don't be like "he was under a spell". That's bullshit.</div>
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<br /></div>
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He meets and marries someone else in the span of 12 hours. And ok,
alright, ok, alright, he didn’t go through with the wedding but I mean, he was
a microsecond away from it. If I were Ariel’s friend today I would tell her to
take her little flipper tail and skedaddle before she’s 12 years in to this
no-commit relationship and he accidentally leaves his phone unlocked and she
goes through it. Also Ariel is 16. Slow down crazy. Slow. Down.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Movie Number 3: The Lion King</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Newly Realized Fact: Timon and Pumba have an undiscovered food
allergy</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean, if Pumba isn’t singing about farting in every song, it
because he’s busy farting. No one is that gassy. He’s probably allergic to one of
those bugs he eats. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Also, down that vein, are we to believe that Simba eats bugs
from childhood to adulthood and comes out totally fine? I think lions have to eat
something like 90 pounds of meat in a single meal, and that lasts them about 4 hours.
Ladybugs aren’t going to get him there.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYpZ8w-cKCb3guXvoPWAHbNlFun48GaUHF6K3DR5HNb3gDIfzUW2S4Ymq1erUI_iwqsfxJiiJQiucbvshyy11K_B9AcS5HYuLssu_Trq1VLm0Nawyg1A-U0KrrRFd5F2LWesYv3ENl488/s1600/simba+bugs.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYpZ8w-cKCb3guXvoPWAHbNlFun48GaUHF6K3DR5HNb3gDIfzUW2S4Ymq1erUI_iwqsfxJiiJQiucbvshyy11K_B9AcS5HYuLssu_Trq1VLm0Nawyg1A-U0KrrRFd5F2LWesYv3ENl488/s1600/simba+bugs.png" height="160" width="320" /></a></div>
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And I get that he’s the rightful king of
the pride, but I mean, what a flop. There has to be someone more qualified to run
things while he figures out how to behave a lion instead of a bloated warthog. And
Nala needs to cut her losses and get with someone who isn’t going to be such a social
liability.</div>
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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-18868363427507396232014-04-14T18:16:00.001-07:002019-08-08T13:53:41.116-07:00I mean… Vegas.<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The concept of "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" is completely lost on me. For starters, good luck remembering what happened in Vegas. And secondly, if you and your crew can collectively puzzle piece the events together based on pictures and text messages from the night before- change the facts to protect the innocent and write a blog about it.</span></span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">There were 5 of us in Vegas this past weekend celebrating Banana's bachelorette party. Greatlyn planned the event, Magenta came along with Banana from their home town, Schlaura the groom's sister, and Painsley (me obviously, but I wanted a cool nick name as well) met up with the crew <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6106923232242669658">Wednesday night</a>. I would like to go on the record that 4 nights inVegas is 1 too many. The first night, when we arrived, we thought we'd take it easy. We went to bed <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6106923232242669658">at 4am</a>.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Day 1:</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I would like to tell this portion of the story from memory. However, the drinks at the pool went down in price as they got bigger. So with a regular sized drink costing $18, I chose the biggest size for a nickel. This came in a wheelbarrow. This was going to be a lot of calories, so it made total sense to me to skip lunch to accommodate. The rest of this story is based on what my friends said happened.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My inner monologue becomes outer monologue on this trip. so as we walk inside to get lunch I see a rent a cop and decide we need to chat. The conversation went like this:</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Painsley: "Hi! Are you a cop?"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Benjamin: "No, I'm an EMT"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Painsley: "Why does your star-badge have seven points?"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Benjamin: "no clue"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Painsley: "you should know that. It's probably a secret. Where's your gun?"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Benjamin: "I'm an EMT, we don't shoot people"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Painsley: "how can you be a cop with no gun? Where's your handcuffs?"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Benjamin: "I'm an EMT..."</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Painsley: "where's your taser"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Benjamin:"......."</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: magenta;">Magenta</span><span style="color: #222222;">: "where's your billy stick?!"</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You can always trust Magenta to have your back. Even the next day when we were informed that Ben was an EMT, I exclaimed that he should have made that clear and Magenta reasoned that maybe he was a medical cop.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Night 2:</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We find out that a group of girls in Vegas can get into the clubs for free, get a VIP table, for free, and get all of our drinks provided by the club, for free. The beauty of a VIP table is you get a couch to sit on and a velvet rope to keep the riffraff out. When we learned this we all collectively decided that we had won the lottery. We also decided that we should take a good group picture before we head in. This is what we managed to produce.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Not every group of girls gets this treatment, but there's a reason. This girl was so flabbergasted she also didn't have a table. I told her its because she decided to dress like Evander Holyfield and it wasn't a Halloween themed bar.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">There are no windows in the entire city of Las Vegas. And no one in the group was the "Big Ben". Most groups have at least 1 person that can't stop being a human coo-coo clock, informing you of what time it is as if you'd asked them. I call those people Big Ben. We did not have one. This translated into getting 4 hours of sleep that night.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Day 2: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We were all on a serious power trip after realizing what our group could get us for free. It was approximately 10 minutes at the pool before we were let into the private club at the pool to lounge on a cushioned bed for free. The issue with this was there was 5 of us on 1 queen sized bed. Our natural tendency was to lay like the grandpas and grandmas laid in Willy Wonka so we could all fit. This translated into a lots of toes going into peoples eyes. Also the towels were made of burlap.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Before being allowed to enter the pool club they had to do an 112 point inspection of all of our purses, looking for roofies that we were apparently going to slip ourselves since we were the only girls there. How they managed to check between the credit cards in my wallet and missed Banana's full medicine bottle of antibiotics was beyond me. This turned out to be a topless pool (our tops stayed on) and we all came up with our favorite new names for pepperoni nipples. I preferred pizza bagel bite nipples.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Night 3 went exactly like night 2. Different location. And instead of an Evander Holyfield doppelgänger we saw a girl that made the grumpy cat face when she danced. My biggest regret of this trip is not getting a picture of that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Day 3:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We all decide that we could have gone home today. But we're going to make the best of the fact that we've been her for 60 hours and gotten 10 total hours of sleep. We avoid the pool club and drain club sodas at the regular pool all day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Forgetting to eat lunch again, we grabbed something <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6106923232242669658">at 4 pm</a>. It's a good thing we did because Heather Dubrow from the real housewives of Orange County and her family walked into the restaurant. Of course I wasn't facing her and Magenta was, so I made her put her sunglasses on so I could stare at her in the reflection of her glasses. Magenta thought I was kidding at first. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That's her husband!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Greatlyn couldn't believe how stupid Magenta and I were being about a D list celebrity and meanwhile we forced everyone to stay on the patio so long to watch that one of Greatlyns ears got sunburned. Just 1. I blame myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Night 4 we all knew we couldn't do anything but no one wanted to admit it. So as we're slowly getting ready I proclaim that I have to fart so bad that I can't go to the club. I mean, I'm wearing white jeans, that's a recipe for disaster and everyone agreed. I popped 3 beano pills, called it a night, and we all finally got some sleep.</span></div>
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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-11402169142951613222014-01-30T12:08:00.001-08:002019-08-08T13:53:40.836-07:00The Day Ryan Almost Robbed a Five Thousand Year Old LadyOk, so obviously that's an exaggeration. He didn't come close to robbing her. He was actually sitting on the same bench as she was and set his hand down and her purse was there. Which obviously translated into me yelling "oh my gosh Ryan do not steal that lady's purse" so he would be embarrassed. She was, however, approximately 5,000 years old. Which got me to thinking, had he pulled off this heist without me calling him out, what exactly was he going to make away with.<br />
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1. Strawberry/Vanilla/Chocolate sugar free wafers<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfHTR1MbyogARZE6coqhyphenhyphendCtWTSFbUBlQfUcnOTJeVOrs-3uPkea4lNA0azm9EI09HB1zQR1mFDgvhhe-3pLNTzoEWccrrKDf_rYfV5jDpBiQm8ZDtIsT4-ZINTlsjFPutzWgDOOvHVDg/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfHTR1MbyogARZE6coqhyphenhyphendCtWTSFbUBlQfUcnOTJeVOrs-3uPkea4lNA0azm9EI09HB1zQR1mFDgvhhe-3pLNTzoEWccrrKDf_rYfV5jDpBiQm8ZDtIsT4-ZINTlsjFPutzWgDOOvHVDg/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" height="154" width="320" /></a></div>
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The package should describe these as "mildly flavored styrofoam" or more accurately "something you might not technically be able to digest but you can't explain why you're still eating them". These "cookies" lived in my grandmother's purse. She always had them. To the point where I am almost positive her purse manufactured them. It certainly was a large enough purse to house a manufacturing plant. And I, as a child, was so deprived of cookies that I would willingly eat these. Yes, when you bit down the wafers turned to cookie-shards of glass and severed your mouth. Also, I'm certain these didn't expire. It's not like they were going to go stale. These cookies invented stale.<br />
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2. A pick<br />
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That wig is not going to maintain itself. Also, I'm pretty sure they only use the long pointy stabbing device at the end to fluff it up. How 5 long thick pieces of plastic would ever accomplish anything involving hair is beyond me. Especially since old lady fingers are the human equivalent to long pieces of plastic. They have 2 built in picks already on them, but I guarantee you they've got a pick in their purse.<br />
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3. A Jitterbug<br />
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To be honest, I would love a jitterbug. To be free of the shackles that society and social media puts on us, to exclusively be able to call no more than 4 people, two of those options being your daughter's cell and then her home phone. It's only socially acceptable for people that are about a million to have these devises, and I find that the age version of racist. I think that's called agist. ragist. It's not fair. Also, I will never forget the catchy tune for the jitterbug commercials. It's like they are appealing to their target demographic by playing a tune from their heyday - the 20s.<br />
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4. Half of a stick of gum<br />
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I thought that old lady's purses would be where you could find the worlds oldest piece of gum until I opened the center console of Ryan's car. Apparently after a century gum changes flavor, state, viscosity, and color. I will never know why old ladies have 14 half sticks of juicy fruit in their purse. Who is chewing that? And don't say my dad because everyone knows that Bill has chewed full pieces of juicy fruit for the past 3 decades. I'm convinced these ladies are just taking full pieces and ripping them in half and then putting them back in their purse to coagulate at the bottom, with the wafer crumbs.<br />
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5. Worther's Original and Horehounds<br />
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Worther's Original is addictive. Bottom line. It has never ever won in a competition against any other candy, including smarties, but when it's you're only option, it wins, every time. I feel like worther's commercials are pretending like it's the candy from the good old days. Like "take a stroll down memory lane with a Worther's". That cannot be the best memory of the good old days. That is a candy from the depression.<br />
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And the only candy worse than that is horehounds. They are flavored like a piece of wood that has been soaking in a creek for about 3 weeks. Your teeth will lose in a battle against this candy. But they come in a bag and each piece is coated in a white powder. Obviously cocaine or why would people keep eating them.<br />
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Am I glad Ryan didn't rob this lady? Yes. I really like that restaurant and I want to go back. But we did miss out on some sweet loot in the process.AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-57129353182898092282014-01-16T08:12:00.000-08:002019-08-08T13:53:41.716-07:00Why Bob Ross Taught Me Every Life Lesson I Need<div class="MsoNormal">
I work with an Italian
that has lived here in America for about a year and a half, and I have made it
my personal mission to teach him all things USA so that he feels like he’s one
of us. Needless to say, watching Bob Ross paint a landscape is a requisite. In
rewatching an episode I realized something. Bob Ross has taught me every
valuable life lesson I'll ever need. Through the language of paint and love. And hair. Side note, if you don't know who Bob Ross is, ask your mom for permission to go on youtube (because you better be under the age of 12) and look him up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>You Should Trust
People</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well obviously not
everyone (Ted Bundy yourself) but in general, this is true. You know how he
taught me this? Because he would have a painting that I would, in my infinite 5
year old wisdom, deem finished. And then, like a bat out of hell he’d streak
across the whole canvas a crooked, pitch-black line. Right down the middle. I
would literally say out loud “WHY!!?!? IT’S RUINED!”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6TXRLwq-f3vH-QihTZvUBJBgqdxa18orVPSSLbZYdCugnoN-hRTHHeiarsFQWvmMF6btRHJGYLPVmNMN9FdrcbHFD50rYY4X_9s72_SiPTNtayV7Bt6_U3cpb44O1Pr_LgN4ICwGkMVg/s1600/bob+ruined+painting.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6TXRLwq-f3vH-QihTZvUBJBgqdxa18orVPSSLbZYdCugnoN-hRTHHeiarsFQWvmMF6btRHJGYLPVmNMN9FdrcbHFD50rYY4X_9s72_SiPTNtayV7Bt6_U3cpb44O1Pr_LgN4ICwGkMVg/s1600/bob+ruined+painting.png" height="176" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>(Oh yes Bob, let's put gigantic white blobs in the pond. That's a GREAT IDEA!!!)</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it was like he heard
me because he’d be like “We don’t make mistakes, we make happy accidents”.
Alright, you paintbrush wielding Yoda, prove it. And he would. EVERY TIME!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeC2RH-OHfFmuPh5akcY36OfahU3iT1y4qovD5C4VKHkPKbdQf_JYGOJPszCuCAHBBiya6Mi22joMVd8RhgfJliNpPsKpAf4KEj0PrSWPPXJXXhqtgDUOgQi6d_SsXRRs0YYqyJ26JeCI/s1600/finished+painting.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeC2RH-OHfFmuPh5akcY36OfahU3iT1y4qovD5C4VKHkPKbdQf_JYGOJPszCuCAHBBiya6Mi22joMVd8RhgfJliNpPsKpAf4KEj0PrSWPPXJXXhqtgDUOgQi6d_SsXRRs0YYqyJ26JeCI/s1600/finished+painting.png" height="177" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Boom, that's the finished product WHHHHAAAATTTT.T.T.T.T.!?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Everyone Deserves To
Be Happy</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean, I refuse to
believe he has ever painted a tree that was in the doldrums. Even every leaf
was a happy little leaf. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN0iHZqvFDFYTKfIdFwZ07wtq-MQNe_suwrF9s6gr53G2qQ4hwEJsH4n2oWvb26CK0_WH4vRbCWUv9FaisodzGS3Aa7kTr6n3lE9mMsWHooRn_qqFE1hPAGsKNJLU3XE6BCEz0uRq6JJM/s1600/happy+trees.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN0iHZqvFDFYTKfIdFwZ07wtq-MQNe_suwrF9s6gr53G2qQ4hwEJsH4n2oWvb26CK0_WH4vRbCWUv9FaisodzGS3Aa7kTr6n3lE9mMsWHooRn_qqFE1hPAGsKNJLU3XE6BCEz0uRq6JJM/s1600/happy+trees.png" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not just that, they had BACK STORIES! “Maybe this
tree, when he was a baby, got trampled on by a great big moose and this branch
is a little crooked. He’s not sad about it though, because that moose helped
make him who he is today. You don’t have to be perfect, the crooked lines are
what makes us who we are”. Was I a little self conscious that a tree was more
self aware and confident than I will ever be? Absolutely. Am I uncomfortable
that one of my current role models is apparently a leaf that is happy when he
falls off and dies because something beautiful will come from him? Clearly. Bob
set the standard a bit high.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ9V90yYo5vYpcljbm3DaBEA4SSbyqcdUISYfX9Pzl1Ccv7tEXjsYDPKdjXUTpoidch7oLDF8U984n4dM5M1rXR2js7SJ4bZ9tIg-ew5Bgb04p_qXQdI767Lfwmhz8DLjozb6AmDVDGuU/s1600/happiness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ9V90yYo5vYpcljbm3DaBEA4SSbyqcdUISYfX9Pzl1Ccv7tEXjsYDPKdjXUTpoidch7oLDF8U984n4dM5M1rXR2js7SJ4bZ9tIg-ew5Bgb04p_qXQdI767Lfwmhz8DLjozb6AmDVDGuU/s1600/happiness.jpg" height="320" width="235" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>You Do You</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bob Ross will never be
accused of trying to be anyone but Bob Ross. His hair defied the laws of
physics, fashion and might have even been illegal in certain states (not Texas,
obviously – Higher the hair the closer to God). </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTt-Jfoh2Azrur1yoPk5pFIIOc24XhcMbf0l0Z88EEa5gKXrDaPrRjJetoP0uAukPy34TPXF37gxzB55VBFf0lbhSuynGzT8Uo7Q9qAcs5TFNY2T6KVTT5xUgFv8rJcnoe4xKS9de8x1I/s1600/hair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTt-Jfoh2Azrur1yoPk5pFIIOc24XhcMbf0l0Z88EEa5gKXrDaPrRjJetoP0uAukPy34TPXF37gxzB55VBFf0lbhSuynGzT8Uo7Q9qAcs5TFNY2T6KVTT5xUgFv8rJcnoe4xKS9de8x1I/s1600/hair.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like to think that he donated
his body to science when he died to research how his hair did that. Maybe we
can harness the magic and make a hover craft, which in my opinion is about a
decade overdue. Hashtag George Jetson. I’m also jumping to the conclusion that
Bob died and am too lazy to google it so if he didn’t – whoops.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Sometimes Colors are
Bullshit</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever portion of
this lesson I didn’t already learn from Crayola (Damn you burnt sienna for
looking like you’re brown and being straight up orange) Bob solidified with the
paint names he used.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjgXFlp-mmM-BRTwAt3ahLUGyJXJl3bqmR13pQtTeZNiX4tsna1OZ4BesN-6qtzS2cqHHV3gTyN2SVrfbpGmuKqlGcu7NQJ_oV17KnPRxzBN_r0pulBbqvUbSs8lH1qZcKoQmp9E2Hpnk/s1600/purple+trees.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjgXFlp-mmM-BRTwAt3ahLUGyJXJl3bqmR13pQtTeZNiX4tsna1OZ4BesN-6qtzS2cqHHV3gTyN2SVrfbpGmuKqlGcu7NQJ_oV17KnPRxzBN_r0pulBbqvUbSs8lH1qZcKoQmp9E2Hpnk/s1600/purple+trees.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i> (These trees are "purple".)</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh we’re going to use Caspian Sea blue for the leaves” –
and I’m like “Bob you’re high on paint fumes, trees aren’t blue, this isn’t the
movie Avitar”. And lo and behold, Caspian Sea Blue is secretly tree leaf green.
What. WHAT?! How many ponds did he make that mistake with before he realized
it? Probably as many times as I drew orange horses with a burnt sienna crayon.
Also, yes I see the glaring plot hole in me being 5 and having referenced
Avitar. I stand by it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivmMezWqZ1zunEqHsPP7uBPBD7FnxuJzuFBk2THGgK0YDaCCDQiHjncHhmgEczYVIhdYV7Cn6fd7dLJtqmQFSt1sQEwgoakOwfre6TGUKdewYo0qxtVQaiOh8rwUjyG1s_XxLUUNljHmY/s1600/7-burnt-sienna-crayon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivmMezWqZ1zunEqHsPP7uBPBD7FnxuJzuFBk2THGgK0YDaCCDQiHjncHhmgEczYVIhdYV7Cn6fd7dLJtqmQFSt1sQEwgoakOwfre6TGUKdewYo0qxtVQaiOh8rwUjyG1s_XxLUUNljHmY/s1600/7-burnt-sienna-crayon.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<i>(Brunt Sienna my ass, I don't even know what a sienna is, but i do know that if you burn it it gets real deceptive)</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-67355562900319614072013-12-16T13:15:00.001-08:002019-08-08T13:53:41.760-07:00Why Europe Couldn’t Be Any Weirder<div class="MsoNormal">
I love Europe. Mostly
because whenever I go over there it’s for work and all my food is paid for, and
I especially love food. But I also love it for how different it is from the US,
and I find that refreshing. However, after spending 3 weeks over there recently,
it became less “refreshing” and more “funky”. And not like the cool girl at
school who can wear the shirt with 1 sleeve and crimp her hair and pull it off,
funky.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Reason 1: You have to
be Nostradamus to go to the bathroom.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7OFyVXTtKbAhcyD96ObCHYdu1T3ympHdUEIKeguqn2307mQsOk3w5DMByNBOs9e0_WVxPVqFsTUkyuZNCEUhlJ2nAndlSJZi7b5zpa1QfinZU2daGjbIXtJZo-7_upIlVEuNLyzAOsys/s1600/nostradamus2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7OFyVXTtKbAhcyD96ObCHYdu1T3ympHdUEIKeguqn2307mQsOk3w5DMByNBOs9e0_WVxPVqFsTUkyuZNCEUhlJ2nAndlSJZi7b5zpa1QfinZU2daGjbIXtJZo-7_upIlVEuNLyzAOsys/s320/nostradamus2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The light switches for
all bathrooms are located outside of the bathroom. Which means if the door is
closed and you’re walking in, you have to know ahead of time that the light is
on or off, lest you be waltzing in to a dark room and then having to walk
backwards to retrace your steps and find your way out. Once you are back out of
the room, you then have to turn into Copernicus and search high and low for
said light switch. Mind you, their light switches are the size and shape of a
toaster strudel, which in its own right is weird.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRC4hoonS-viTribyO1EuePm7sVc2nvQoXIdzNLqHiLICtYsyAD-35KWVehfNERbyYN_Scju2oqATQWX-2_OJTKi081qT_mvuhH41LyAPAgrmcSb43_lIqX7DVerdEPOssjEyzXejIOWw/s1600/lightswitch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRC4hoonS-viTribyO1EuePm7sVc2nvQoXIdzNLqHiLICtYsyAD-35KWVehfNERbyYN_Scju2oqATQWX-2_OJTKi081qT_mvuhH41LyAPAgrmcSb43_lIqX7DVerdEPOssjEyzXejIOWw/s1600/lightswitch.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We can’t have this
here. You know why? Because I would, 100% of the time, turn the light off on
people in the bathroom while I’m outside of it. I mean, this would in no way ever
get old for me. And simultaneously, people would do it to me as well. American’s
aren't mature enough for this. And quite frankly, I like to be the boss of if
the lights are on or off while I’m in there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Reason 2: The blow
dryers are just for show</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVjF2kmHu88twG2l9tOdqCtKqRVcV0NREI0XLJgG2uxN_m2sftUgRZjfcu-2pzLGdPHRIY30kKSbhtsnP77yqRkPRXj8lGCrZvoLIvDzYQrFdDIJEZY7y8uPC21piw2ZnYAXqQLFENheY/s1600/blowdryer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVjF2kmHu88twG2l9tOdqCtKqRVcV0NREI0XLJgG2uxN_m2sftUgRZjfcu-2pzLGdPHRIY30kKSbhtsnP77yqRkPRXj8lGCrZvoLIvDzYQrFdDIJEZY7y8uPC21piw2ZnYAXqQLFENheY/s320/blowdryer.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They shouldn't be
called blow dryers. You have to be a contortionist to simply operate the
contraption, which forces you to hold a button in the ENTIRE time you’re using
it. Was it a big problem in the past, people just turning a blow dryer on,
setting it down, leaving, and a building burning down? Is that why this added
safety precaution exists? It’s equally as frustrating as when you go to a gas station
and the clicky thing isn’t there and you have to hold the pump the whole time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And as if that wasn't enough,
I would equate the ferocity of the blow dryer’s effect as the same as if you
paid a 6 year old a quarter to stand there and just blow air from their mouth on
your head. That level of commitment to the task at hand.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPC5tu2gvhKOxgV8yoQLV_wuGbYSXT7zdzGwelh-KZdehwUKbIR_Rqs55SEEiexxveaRJtL79BtRWmD7NNTpJGjLJaRNHx4HBHyept02kH2Wfs9M5txJNC7P3DtT6Jbz8C-rr8h8rhVAM/s1600/childblowdryer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPC5tu2gvhKOxgV8yoQLV_wuGbYSXT7zdzGwelh-KZdehwUKbIR_Rqs55SEEiexxveaRJtL79BtRWmD7NNTpJGjLJaRNHx4HBHyept02kH2Wfs9M5txJNC7P3DtT6Jbz8C-rr8h8rhVAM/s1600/childblowdryer.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cut to 45 minutes
later, hair still wet and looking worse than before you washed it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Reason 3: Elf-sized
portions of beverages</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUF-MOYwSjEWeV0-DLx4gWmCoIdIhGj6SgbGiKq3uQxEZc8zUngSl37-0uoQ-XEzGbQivegGCYRCie8qCWJ6Jq8Wm5IQxAa-O4so0HCYISjqTubHCLxgCJ88VAI6PlgvBsw_V69qi4n28/s1600/coffee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUF-MOYwSjEWeV0-DLx4gWmCoIdIhGj6SgbGiKq3uQxEZc8zUngSl37-0uoQ-XEzGbQivegGCYRCie8qCWJ6Jq8Wm5IQxAa-O4so0HCYISjqTubHCLxgCJ88VAI6PlgvBsw_V69qi4n28/s320/coffee.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes I’m American, and
pretty much everyone’s favorite joke over there is that we do everything bigger.
Ouch. They really know how to cut us to the core. You know why we do everything
bigger? Because a shot glass is not an appropriate container for coffee in the
morning. I actually invented a large coffee when I was over there. It went
something like this:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: Hi, yes, I want
your biggest coffee you have, please.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coffee Lady: We only
have 1 size (holds up world’s smallest cup)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: Alright. I would
like 4 of those please.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coffee Lady: Ok. I can
put them all together in this larger cup (magically pulls reasonably sized cup
out from the abyss).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: Yes. Do that.
Also, that’s the new definition of “your biggest coffee”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean. I saw the
world make a little more sense to her that day. Also, side note to their commitment
to dehydration, they are OVERLY committed to bread. I mean, here’s a whole loaf
of bread, bon appétit. Sick. Also, meats and cheeses take way too much of a
front-and-center role in the lunch arena. Pleck.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8abho_jwWSzDEEu3J8cpeUvxYyltG8Ku19SdYQ_hXXZ2vGDxGn6smHvcGtLPQYUOHwLYtbhWv-pQ3cXY5owuf_4II1HcQb0PCp2X4xC_rPapbfer1Juvu1WoJi7_ehWs0qmCxPgnDnL4/s1600/meat-&-cheese-platter4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8abho_jwWSzDEEu3J8cpeUvxYyltG8Ku19SdYQ_hXXZ2vGDxGn6smHvcGtLPQYUOHwLYtbhWv-pQ3cXY5owuf_4II1HcQb0PCp2X4xC_rPapbfer1Juvu1WoJi7_ehWs0qmCxPgnDnL4/s320/meat-&-cheese-platter4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Reason 4: Their Idea
of “Walking Distance” is Debatable</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Let’s put it this way:
I break out in a full sweat peeling an apple. So to walk a mile to grab
something to eat means nobody wins if they’re near me. It is totally reasonable
to be like “oh I biked to work today… 12 miles… I’m going running during lunch
and biking home after”. I can only assume they are going home to swim laps in
their daily triathlon-styled life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Not to mention, it’s
so cold in Europe right now that sometimes I just forgot to breathe. I
LITERALLY thought to myself “why do I feel so light-headed” and it was because
my insides were sick of being as cold as my outsides so i stopped breathing. I get that it’s the least
conducive place in the world for anything other than a man on a horse, or
possibly a chariot, but the walking thing is brutal. I’ll just stay in the
office and eat cold cuts, thank you very much.<o:p></o:p></div>
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AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-8909112692431292292013-10-12T18:45:00.000-07:002019-08-08T13:53:41.845-07:00Infomercial PeopleIt's come to my attention that should any human ever actually emulate the people depicted in infomercials they should be deemed disabled and draw social security benefits.<br />
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<b>The Flex-Able Hose</b><br />
<br />
The main draw of this hose, as touted throughout the commercial, is that regular hoses are too heavy. I'm sorry... what? "Regular hoses can weigh up to 8 pounds". How terrifying. Regular hoses can weigh as much as a new born baby? To the point where the lady in the commercial struggles with her heavy hose and HITS HERSELF IN THE FACE WITH IT by accident.<br />
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Get yourself together. The next draw of this miracle tube is that a child can use it. Cut to a 4 year old traipsing beside a pool spraying the water everywhere. Couple questions here... Who raised this child? Not the mother who can't lift more than 8 pounds. Is she adopted? Where is this noodle-armed mother now? Where's the child safety fence? That toddler is spraying water all over the floor. She's 1 second away from slipping into that unguarded pool and you know who will NOT be rescuing her? Anyone who can't lift 8 pounds.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFGyoN2hMv3EFGmOWwj51ceSU1KkHTXH17s83V0y2YlMtyABPYwB9rcGNyuNE3DOr-QXA0FlCoig2KQYCYN_cxM1qMpEKYUve1AQMUrfHA716DbahvVLltlN83YcALqK-N_194FvLpnzE/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+9.05.44+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFGyoN2hMv3EFGmOWwj51ceSU1KkHTXH17s83V0y2YlMtyABPYwB9rcGNyuNE3DOr-QXA0FlCoig2KQYCYN_cxM1qMpEKYUve1AQMUrfHA716DbahvVLltlN83YcALqK-N_194FvLpnzE/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-10-12+at+9.05.44+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
<b>Pajama Jeans</b><br />
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Just give up. Stop it. When the sales pitch tagline on a pair of pants is a "mock fly" then maybe you just go up a size on your regular, grown up pants. Why is the fly giving you so much trouble that you're willing to wear illusion pants.<br />
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The best part about these pants is the models are all skinny, but their target is absurdly large need-a-walker-but-i-didn't-break-my-legs sized people. So the models are forced to show all the tub-benefits. Like love-handle room<br />
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<br />
And Thanksgiving belly room<br />
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I seriously considered buying a pair of these in college. Mainly to be ironic but also because that weird tunic dress/shirt/gown thing I kept wearing wasn't fooling anyone into thinking I was bathing during finals week. These suckers are TWEN-TY DOLL-HAIRS. Dignity is apparently more expensive the a pair of skinnies from Forever 21.<br />
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<b>Comfort Wipe</b><br />
<br />
I thought we had really gone down the rabbit hole when those airplane seatbelt extensions came out. This product is for people who are physically incapable of wiping themselves. It extends your reach an additional 18 inches. This is not exactly what Gogo Gadget had in mind. The best part about this commercial is their target isn't gigantic people, or people with T-Rex arms. It's people who are so "with it" they aren't willing to use a technology "from the 1880's".<br />
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Ok George Jetson, you're a real techno front runner. You've got yourself a poop stick that you now use. Are you taking this out and about with you? Do you have ones for your guests? Also have we confirmed that 1880s claim? I can't for the LIFE of me believe toilet paper wasn't invented before then. You're telling me we invented guns and cannons but drip dried. Gross.<br />
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<b>Tiddy Bear</b><br />
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First of all, you don't get to replace a few letter "t"s with the letter "d" and think Americans can't crack that code. This is a boob bear. And the target audience is people who are made out of tissue paper. To the point where a fabric seat belt is going to send them into a tissy and the solution is a stuffed animal.<br />
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Miley Cyrus is the only adult I know of who's that interested in getting molested by a teddy bear. You'd think the target demographic would be children, since that seatbelt, as I recall, cuts you right across the face til you're an adult sized person. Nope. Their target is people who are so mal-nourished and skinny that any pressure on their skin causes their razor sharp bones to slice right through.<br />
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Also, this lady absolutely has a black eye. To the point where I just want to be like "blink once if they are holding you captive and making you use this frowny toy on your seatbelt". She's a hostage.<br />
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<b>The Flowbee</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This is a vacuum-cleaner edward-scissor-hands inspired death trap. This takes the mess out of home hair cuts and regardless of what they think, their target demographic is two groups: bachelors and the Boxcar Children. If you have zero intention of female interaction ever again, go ahead: suck your hair off. This is essentially targeted to the motherless/wifeless.<br />
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What they never say is what the plan is for this guys GIGANTIC nostrils. He picks his nose too much, there's no ifs ands or buts about it.<br />
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Here's the real BS behind this contraption. My sister invented this 20 years ago. I was innocently playing with my Barbies on my bed and she was slave-labor style vacuuming my room. In true Allison fashion she was in 1 corner of the room and the only logical next location for cleaning would be the opposite corner. Naturally. And without a doubt the only possible way to get there is to lift the ENTIRE vacuum and swing it whirling dervish style to that next spot. Maybe she swung it over my head. Maybe she caught all my hair up in it. Maybe I died a little inside that day when the vacuum cleaner took my hair hostage. All I know is that this was OUR invention. i had the sweet hair cut to prove it.<br />
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<br />AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-31108968695092077372013-10-01T17:28:00.000-07:002019-08-08T13:53:41.373-07:00Work PeopleThere is absolutely no way I will be able to cram this into 1 post. For starters, there are just way too many hilarious people that I'm sure we're all forced to work with. And in an effort to appeal to the crowd of readers that will claim my "posts are too long", I should probably break it up. I should also probably tell you that I'm seriously worried about your literacy, and I blame No Child Left Behind, as well as all of the Twilight books.<br />
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<b>The Rules Are Rules People</b><br />
These people are in charge of the most absurd yet critical aspects of my workday, like business cards. The "rule" at my office is that our business cards are not allowed to have really any relevant information about ourselves except for our names. Seems legit. So for a phone number, it's the front desk. There's also a fax number (which is awesome since I've never even seen a fax machine) and our address in case someone wants to mail me a bomb out of rage for the fact that my business card is as worthless as the ones my dad made me when I was 5 and playing "secretary".<br />
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I naturally felt the need to request my desk and cell phone number be added to my business card. And, after three weeks, two nasty emails from the rule follower and the involvement of TWO national directors, my customers can officially call me without being connected by an operator like in the 1950's. Also, these people will literally refuse to make eye contact with you after you force them to break one of their precious rules.<br />
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<br />
<b>The Kitchen Dweller</b><br />
I have confirmed with other colleagues of mine, and this guy officially doesn't even have a desk anymore. They just gave it away because he quite frankly lives in the kitchen. This person is also a name-Rain Man and can rattle off everyone's name at the office. I make it my personal mission to learn no one's name if I don't have to. That way I can use the nicknames I've come up for them in my head. I have no idea what this guy's name is. I do know that he drinks a weird amount of coffee. I also know that he wears denim Capri pants on casual Friday. And I feel like he might lick the bagels when no one is looking.<br />
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<b><br /></b>
<b>The Office Supply Nazi</b><br />
Often BFF with the rule-followers are the people that ration office supplies like butter during WW2. It just so happens that they are also the only portal through which anyone can so much as get 1 post-it note. I made the terrible mistake of ordering a calculator from one of these people, which was instantly denied with an email asking "I have a casio calculator that I found in a desk when someone left, could you use that? Why do you need an engineering calculator?"...<br />
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Couple things here. I need an engineering calculator because I'm an engineer. Just check my brand new business card. Second, I work on about $100M worth of projects over the course of a year. And I'm asking for a $15 calculator. And lastly, if you think I'll be caught dead with anything that isn't an instrument made in Texas, you're insane. I'm not looking for an electronic piano keyboard, I'm trying to make dreams happen.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<b>The Person Who Is Convinced You're an Idiot</b><br />
It doesn't matter how fantastic you are at your job. You will occasionally mess up, and if you notice, it's almost always in front of the same person. This person at my work thinks that I should be wearing a bicycle helmet at all times I'm so dumb. When someone gives me a critical role, you can actually see their face cringe with fear that you might accidentally light the whole building on fire instead. They also feel the need to tell you good job on things in the voice that I use when my mute cat Newton squeaks out a meow.<br />
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<br />
<b>The Person Who Never Ever Gets my Jokes</b><br />
The second I find out someone doesn't understand and/or like my sense of humor, instead of being reasonable and just reigning it in a little, I go full force comedy act at them. I can even feel myself doing it and internally tell myself "this is going to go over like a fart in church... run... save yourself". This person in particular doesn't get sarcasm at all. That should be my clue to never say a word to them. Or, in actuality, only ever speak sarcastically to them.<br />
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When talking about a change in a system where now the system will have to be built with Union labor, overtime rates, and on holidays I choose to say "Oh, THAT'LL be cheap!"... response: "Um... Ainsley... no actually. That's a lot more expensive. Do you not understand where our labor rates come from?"...What. Is. Wrong with me. You know it's bad when your coworkers that don't even speak English as a first language are giving you the "cool it" sign.<br />
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<br />AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-9422500049531496842013-09-30T08:39:00.001-07:002019-08-08T13:53:59.079-07:00Can The Dramatics<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
honestly cannot believe I’ve gone this long without addressing the most absurd
thing that is currently in my life: Facebook. This social media requisite for
any 20-something is a virtual playground for the most dramatic people that ever
existed, and it is on this forum that they will let their crazy flags fly. And
that is why I love/hate/love it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The Overreacter<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Probably
not a word, but to be fair, neither was “twerking” a hot minute ago. We all
know the girl that breaks up with her boyfriend and spirals out of control.
First it’s the really gloomy posts like “When is this ever going to stop
hurting?”. Answer: Probably when you stop making us suffer from second-hand embarrassment
at you airing your personal life out on facebook. That’s when.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">These
women (and they are always women) will even go so far as to deactivate and
cancel their facebook accounts. Really, crazy pants? The guy you dated for 6
months just broke up with you and your solution is to DELETE the 1,562 pictures
of yourself (85% of which are selfies btw). I can’t for the LIFE of me imagine
why you two didn’t make it work, you’re so rational. Which brings me to my next
point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgovj4FgCb8baBTK76YVwyadh8gbCNZRGLVQGjc2eF_YI71c3rknszL0_j1dKRbERupw7RNBOdyjji959-MfVAnvsmSfo2ljc3TD8sEgLDnp2sVjRaEy4CDg8lZBLd4BIED_ufOl-ieZA4/s1600/crazy+girlfriend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgovj4FgCb8baBTK76YVwyadh8gbCNZRGLVQGjc2eF_YI71c3rknszL0_j1dKRbERupw7RNBOdyjji959-MfVAnvsmSfo2ljc3TD8sEgLDnp2sVjRaEy4CDg8lZBLd4BIED_ufOl-ieZA4/s1600/crazy+girlfriend.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">People That are Way too cool for Facebook<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">This
is specific to people my age. If you’re 40 and you’re doin you out there, by
all means, don’t sign up now. There’s nothing more tragic then someone blasting
through their midlife crisis with 13 facebook friends because they just signed
up and they are trying to find people. I’m talking about people who are like “Oh
I never signed up for that…”. SHAAA-WHAAATTT? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And
their reasons are like, “I have a super important job and I don’t want them to
find me”. Settle down. No you don’t. And let’s pretend for 1 red hot second
that you do have such a high profile job that people are seeking you out
non-stop in attempts to fire you… Maybe just untag the keg stand pics of
yourself. That’s all. No one is going to be like “well, her profile says she
likes music and her favorite show is Big Bang Theory… I think we have enough
here to get her fired”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">People That Should Deactivate Their Account<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">There’s
always an exception to the rule, and these people are it. They have absolutely
no clue how to behave in public and should not be allowed on facebook or within
10 yards of me at any point. These are the absolute train wrecks that will put
posts like “I’m just really sad right now” and when people ask what happened
they reply “I don’t want to talk about it”. These people should be sad about
the fact that I now hate them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">They
also will put posts like “I’m going to the movies alone, who wants to join me?!”.
Hey, Lonely, don’t do that. Don’t put that info out there. Because you know who
does want to join you? Someone who wants to take your skin off your body and
make lamp shades for his house. That message is intended for a group text at
best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
rapid-updater should also exit facebook, stage right. I had a relative put 67
posts up in 30 minutes. She is completely blocked from my account at this point
after I tediously reported each post as “racially charged”. Granted, none of
them were, but there was no option that was “this person is a lunatic and they
must be stopped” so “racist” was the next closest description. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
over-liker. Hi, person I haven’t interacted with in person since 2<sup>nd</sup>
grade. I’m glad you like every picture that’s ever been posted ever of me-
quite frankly, so do I. But the fact that you click “like” on them the instant
they are uploaded makes me think that you might be the skin-lampshade person
from before. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1QE6EHbfZmsRM_fT2ITzbifggS-6itPwj8gO06HqAZXMVjg9aNxF-kRZkc7gZMOq9afhvpb75fE8hF2Ymc0A_NppEstlER1abjZdcgGSDbFgTwddVhAy1z1nwQ464g8_GBbrPjbhNo14/s1600/too+many+likes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1QE6EHbfZmsRM_fT2ITzbifggS-6itPwj8gO06HqAZXMVjg9aNxF-kRZkc7gZMOq9afhvpb75fE8hF2Ymc0A_NppEstlER1abjZdcgGSDbFgTwddVhAy1z1nwQ464g8_GBbrPjbhNo14/s320/too+many+likes.png" width="310" /></a></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The
worst part is, the greater the infraction, the more fascinating I find these people.
My friend Jill has a friend on Facebook that is such a horror show that we look
at her profile once a week. And Jill will not let me friend request this person
for fear that the request will be tied back to Jill and she’ll get unfriended
and lose access to this precious gift. This is a twisted world we live in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
AinsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02038104506700072492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6106923232242669658.post-54954050702682656622013-09-23T10:30:00.000-07:002019-08-08T13:53:58.522-07:00These things Just Have to Be Addressed<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: small;">Since I
apparently CAN’T STOP changing my name back and forth more than P. Diddy, I decided
to go to the social security office today. That level of annoyance = cut to, this new post. This post </span>isn't<span style="font-size: small;"> as much a rant (it might be a rant) but more an ode to something we've all
felt. I know we have. There are people that annoy the ever-loving crap out of
us, and I would venture to guess it’s the same types of people. Let’s dive in:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">People that react as if you’re a lunatic<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="VIBody">
<span style="font-size: small;">This
reaction will instantly drive me up a wall. If I’m tossing back and forth the
idea of dying my hair neon green, by all means, please react in a way that
would indicate I need a straight jacket. If I’m referencing a TV show or movie
that was extremely popular when we were growing up and you </span>didn't<span style="font-size: small;"> watch it, YOU’RE
the freak. Not me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="VIBody">
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<span style="font-size: small;">The
best is when these people make excuses like “Oh I </span>didn't<span style="font-size: small;"> see Zenon the Zequal
because I was playing outside”. No you were not. You were not a missing member
of the Boxcar Children. You weren't an original character in Lord of the Flies.
You literally had to LIVE outside for 4 solid years to not catch that movie. And
good luck coping with life, ill prepared. Disney Channel Movies have taught me
80% of the life’s lessons I currently know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">An
equally annoying iteration of this is when people ask “did you mean this?” and
there is zero point zero percent chance that’s what you meant. I was in Home
Depot asking a lady if they sold Corn Hole Boards. Her response? “Did you mean
a drawer?”. Ummm… surely you didn't think that. Surely if I were struggling to
remember the word “drawer” I </span>wouldn't<span style="font-size: small;"> have stumbled onto “corn hole board”.
Also who’s shopping for a singular drawer??? When I finished explaining what a
corn hole board was her reaction was that from a horror film. How could I ever
even suggest they carry such an item.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Facebook Lovers<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
think it’s 100% the most fabulous thing in the world that you’re in love.
Actually I don’t care at all, but I mean if I had to pick between you being in
love or miserable I’d probably pick in love. You’re welcome. Aside from that,
the LAST thing I care to see is a personalized love note to your significant
other. I’m not talking about a cute picture and a sweet 1 sentence message.
Those are inspiring. I’m talking a love epistle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">“Oh
you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank God for you every
day and even though </span>we've<span style="font-size: small;"> had our rough times you’re still the one for me blah
blah blah” times a million. You know what I do to these statuses? I report them.
No they aren't racially charged or sexist, but they are equally as offensive
for their over sharing. FYI if you report a Facebook status or picture it’s anonymous.
So, join me in the fight against over sharing. Report.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">People that don’t have an iPhone and “don’t
even want one”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Yes
you do, don’t lie. I appreciate your willingness to embrace the phone </span>you've<span style="font-size: small;"> got. That’s honestly the right attitude because being annoyed that you have a
Galaxy Z97.4 E 9-series Windows phone isn't going to make life any easier. But don’t
try to convince me that if you had the chance to change over to the iPhone you wouldn't jump out of your seat to do so. Choosing to not have an iPhone is so
hipster of you, I hope you wear suspenders a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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