The Day I Dressed Like Hitler

I'm pretty awkward. I'm the person that can't control what I say around other people. For example, I'll be around an extremely overweight person and can't stop accidentally pointing out less-fat fat people and talking about how that 300 calorie smoothie was sooo bad for me. So I knew that it was going to be a matter of time before I did something inappropriate over here. Little did I know that it would be my first full day here, and that I would be dressing like Hitler.

 The wake up call
I had it all planned out. I was about to fall back to sleep at 4 a.m., I wasn't even tired, and would sleep til 5:30. Then wake up, go work out, solve the world hunger crisis, take a shower, and be on my way for the day at 8. So no one was more surprised then I was to wake up to a call at 8:11 am asking how much longer I was going to be.

This is actually an exact replica of what I look like when I wake up. With lip gloss on. This chick is a phenomenal actress and is going places.

Here's the basics of what I'm working with. I haven't washed my hair since the day I left the states. A full 2 days ago. My hair has so much dry shampoo in it from previous attempts to not wash it that it's one solid unit. No more strands, just a block of grease-hair. So that gets schlicked back into a ponytail. And yes, I mean SCHLICKED. Then I take a damp wash cloth and wipe down. Super effective. I'm going to smell amazing today. Grab my pants, grab my flats, grab my makeup, out the door.


Once in the parking garage I realize two things: 1. I can't wear flats. My feet are still ruined from the day before. 2. I needed to apply more dry shampoo. So to add to my cleanliness I bolt back to the hotel, up 3 flights of stairs, barefoot, to grab my boots and can of PSSSSST (shower replacer). Then bolt back down and finish getting ready in the car.


When I hop out of the car at work I get a look at what I've created today. The intention of the khaki pants and my brown riding boots was supposed to make me kind of look equestrian. It's Europe. However, the size-too-big work pants I purchased on a day I must have gone shopping right after a visit to an all-you-can-eat buffet were pretty much ruining my life. They just puffed out right over the sides of the boots, sort of like a Nazi uniform.


The picture below is only being published to inform and prove how disgusting and evil-dictatorlike I looked today.

I encourage you to compare to the first picture. Twins. So the flats go back on. I pull myself together and make it through the day in my jumbo pants that I fortunately bought in every color. I'm going to do my best to not look like Stalin tomorrow. We'll see.