This story is one that I’ve been meaning to tell for a while now, and today I feel inspired to share. I met my friend Allison Jackson a few months ago, and shortly after we met, she moved into the apartment she currently lives in now. Besides the fact that she lives on the tippity top floor of a no elevator apartment complex, everything was going fine. That is until one day, as we were walking her groceries up the steps, we came across something horrific. Some careless pet owner had allowed their animal to relive itself on the stairs and left it there.
Appalled by this lack of care for the community, we deduced that the person probably didn’t notice their animal had done this, and this was a one time thing. Boy, were we wrong. This little episode continued to happen, day after day, week after week.
My issues with this were, not only was this pet owner trying to reignite the E. Coli epidemic of White Water a decade ago, but concrete stairs are no place for a shit themed hopscotch game. One Sunday afternoon, Allison and I both snapped. We were fed up with borderline breaking our necks to avoid these little land mines.
So we did what any normal yet crazed individual would do: We Nancy Drewed the situation.It started with pulling two chairs into the breezeway so as to set up a stake out environment. Granted, Allison didn’t have lawn chairs, so we had two upholstered chairs stationed next to the stairs. It was clear to us that the person responsible lived on Allison’s floor, given she lived on the top and no one would use those stairs unless they too lived up there. Since there’s only 14 apartments up there, we went door-to-door investigating.
Most people were not home. One extremely small woman in what appeared to be her early 30s was TERRIFIED of us. She even claimed that she was worried to open the door since she didn’t know who we are. Our response was “I’m sorry, this might not be politically correct of us to say, but why don’t you do a little profiling on us. We’re two, young, blonde girls who are unintentionally yet again wearing the same outfit. Not exactly axe murderer material”. This “Chicken Little” inspired woman however did not have a small dog.
Also, it’s important to note that the gentleman who lives in 1405 comes across as someone who would take your skin off and wear it to his birthday party. Maybe you steer clear of that door. Also, no dog.
The good thing about our posting up in the hallway was that we were able to convert other residents to the cause. We literally had people on the look out, putting up posters, using process of elimination to reduce the number of possible culprits down to just one apartment. And this crazy lady has been busted.
Now it’s a waiting game. The SECOND she pulls this little stunt again, she’s going to regret it. We’ve decided that instead of lashing out and physically attacking her, we’re going to be smart about this. We’re going to evict her. Yep. We’re going to, on the apartment “letter head” (or whatever we craft out of clip art and google) an eviction notice for this woman, given she cannot clean up after her pet and it’s causing sanitation issues. We’re also going to jump to the conclusion that she has NOT paid her pet deposit for her tea cup Chihuahua (of course that’s the dog it is) and demand that she pay double, so as to cover the clean up costs in the stairwells.
Maybe this makes us crazy pants. Or maybe this makes us renegades. They make movies about renegades like us. “V for Vendetta”, “Robin Hood”, “Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer”. So, you can from now on call me V.
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