The Good Ole Days

I firmly believe that for those of us out there 23-28 years old, we absolutely grew up at the best time ever. There were so many elements to our lives that we took for granted, assumed they would always be there for us. And now, as we are adults, we’re left out in the cold, wondering, “Where did these crucial life elements go?!”. And by crucial life elements I’m referencing television programming.

Rockapella

The producers of the life changing show “Where in the World is Carmen San Diego” were power players. They thought to themselves, “What would make a TV geography quiz show with a theme of a global villain running amuck stealing such artifacts as the Sphinx or Taj Mahal really captivate the audience?”. Why of course they landed on having an acapella group that dressed as detectives and would randomly bust into perfectly harmonized songs. This group was called Rockapella. We all thought that Rockapella would ignite the acapella band explosion, but alas it did not. This is not because people didn’t think it was amazingly cool to sing without music on children’s game shows, or later, in Folger’s Crystals Coffee commercials. This is because unfortunately the best group name was already taken. I will say that as an 8 year old, the best part of waking up WAS Rockapella in my Carmen San Diego cup.

Disney Channel Original Movies

If your parents didn’t love you enough to get the Disney Channel (because as I recall, it was not part of the basic cable package) then this portion of my post will mean nothing to you. However, if you, like myself, were GLUED to the TV every month on the Friday night at 7 PM that the new Disney Channel Original Movie (DCOM) aired, you had a full childhood indeed. The producers of DCOM had a system. First, they used the exact same kid in just about every movie.

Whether his role was to slam dunk the funk in a movie about a smart house gone mad, or if he had to do an Irish jig and slowly transform into a leprechaun to save his family and embrace the Irish heritage he had for so long forsaken, this kid was pure gold to the Disney Channel. I do have a few questions about him though. Question 1: Why was he always a basketball player in every movie when he couldn’t have been taller than 5’6? Question 2: Has Pauly from Jersey Shore confessed that this kid invented the hair style that he now claims? Question 3: Where is this kid now?! Disney started to phase him out right around the “Zenon” movie time frame… once “Double Teamed” hit, he was long gone. I’m convinced that he transformed his image and changed his name to Ryan Seacrest. Same height. Same hair. Same first name. Same creepy level of charm and television saturation.

 They're trying to pretend like THIS was Ryan Seacrest as a child. Put some effort into your lie Disney Channel. How about some showmanship for this poorly executed cover up.

Nickelodeon

This channel used to bring the heat when it came to quality television programming. Alex Mac, AAHHHH Real Monsters, Angry Beavers, Are you Afraid of the Dark?, Animorphs… I’m simply still on the “A” list here people. That channel was absolutely fantastic and I couldn’t have been more glued to it. The shows from this channel have integrated themselves into my day-to-day life, and I have a feeling they’ve worked their way into yours as well. Example A: You’re standing in front of a door that is locked and you want to be on the other side. Don’t tell me it doesn’t cross your mind that you wish you were Alex Mac and could turn into a puddle and go under it. Example B: You dare someone to do something and they refuse. You say “I double dare you”. You tell me you aren’t picturing sticking your hand up a gigantic nose filled with slime to fish for a red flag in a relay race involving your entire family, should your family consist of a mom, dad and one other sibling and I tell you that you’re crazy pants. To the point where I was convinced I needed to change my name to “Liza” (my middle name is Elizabeth) because 1) I hated my name and 2) I wanted to be Liza Thornberry from the Wild Thornberrys and I was pretty sure the name change would unlock the ability to talk to animals.

They simply don’t make shows like this anymore. Shut up Selena Gomez. That’s enough Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana. Why don’t you make a real show. Watch an episode of “Salute Your Shorts” and take some notes.