There are so many things in life that simply fly below the radar, and like a ninja, manages to never draw attention to itself with respect to the concept “what in the world are they doing with this?!”.

Jeopardy

First things first. In what way does the definition of jeopardy fit into this show’s concept? How are you putting yourself in danger at any point? The only danger you’re really running into in this game is the danger of looking like an idiot because you didn’t use proper grammar to answer in the form of a question. And let’s address that point as well. Really Jeopardy? You’re going to make me race to answer a beyond difficult question, against other players and the clock, and then when I finally get the answer, I have to take a trip back to 2^nd grade and make sure I get the question phrased correctly? “What is Brad Pitt… ohhh crap… Who is Brad Pitt” to be followed by a condescending judge face by Alex. Oh I’m sorry, Alex. I forgot you know everything because you’ve been hosting this game for as long as questions have existed. And let’s face it, the answer is never “Brad Pitt”. It’s always “Omar Kassir Hazzam” or some other mouthful of a name that to be fair only my mom knows because she memorizes the drudge report everyday. The only time this show doesn’t make me feel like my college degree shouldn’t be lit on fire is the college week itself. I pride myself on watching this show with my mom and beating her to the punch by answering the question as quickly as possible, making sure that whatever answer I throw out there couldn’t POSSIBLY be right. It absolutely kills her every time.

Wheel Of Fortune

There’s not a program on the planet that highlights my inability to spell like this show. I refuse to ever audition for a game show because I know they’ll default me to this show and I’ll send blonde’s reputations back centuries. I have to actually ask people how to spell “during”. Even then, as I was typing it, I used 2 “r”s. Tricky. But aside from a grown up spelling bee nightmare, exactly who does Vanna think she is? Is she really going to wear an evening gown every single night? How do they justify that? I’ll tell you how, because without her touching the TV screens and gliding across the floor, it’s again just a spelling bee designed to embarrass adults. Also, is she technically getting younger? How is no one acknowledging that she is our modern day Dorian Gray? (If you don’t know who that is, google it. Chances are, I misspelled his name).

Deal or No Deal

This show makes me actually cuss like a sailor. I’ve never hated perfect strangers more in my life then when those miserable “c-word” “b-words” on the show have 3 cases left, the banker offers them $717,000 and they throw down a no deal. Really, you selfish piece of “s-word”? And their husbands are off to the side being like “we only made $24,000 last year. Our child needs a surgery to stay alive and the bank is a day away from repossessing our home” and she’s like “I know I have a million dollars!!!”. I know I hate you, and you apparently hate statistics. And I know your child doesn’t need the surgery because he just died of embarrassment. Yes, I am concerned with how much I can apparently hate someone this stupid. I’m working on it. And in the meantime I'm glad you got a cent. I hope you don't forget to pay taxes on that.

Guts

I had to do it. I had to do a throw back to the 90s at some point. This show was absolutely incredible. Aside from the fact that they apparently traveled the globe to identify the best athletes on the planet under the age of 13, the managed to create a trophy so magnificent, so indescribable, that even to this day, there’s not a person in their 20s that wouldn’t do unspeakable things to get a “piece of the crag”. I tell you, that show must have gotten a bulk discount on bungee cord and knee pads. My favorite race on there was when they’d incorporate them having to swim at some point. Fully clothed. With their helmets still on. At that point they were more fighting for their lives to keep from drowning then a piece of that magnificent astrocrag. I’d also like to point out to guys right now that if you want a bad ass pick up line, tell chicks you won an episode of Guts. I promise you’ll get results. Not to mention Mark and Moe was one of the greatest and underestimated love stories of all time.