Me as a Trash Panda

Aside from Dolly, my black baby panther that is secretly me reincarnated come back to love me in the most unconditional way and make me emotionally codependent on a 7 pound feline, there's no other animal that gets me more than a raccoon. And that is the last time I will call them that, because we all know they are actually just trash pandas.

Me when skinny people say they don’t diet or exercise



Me trying to decide if I should get a side of cheese dip at Willys


Me the day after I get my highlights and they haven’t leveled out yet


What I wake up to at 6:30 on Saturday mornings from a 4 year old


My husband when I am about to say something like “Snitches get stitches” to the kids to teach them a life lesson about tattle telling


Me when I’ve said something a little too honest to my friend about how her outfit looks and now I feel badly

Me when I’m trying to be culturally sensitive about a topic I know nothing about


Me when at that point I just can’t even anymore


The result of me saying “I’m going to wing it”

Me when I’m left in charge of more than 3 children at 1 time

Me when the doorbell rings and it’s the Thai delivery

Me when I check my bank account balance after I’ve paid all the bills

Me having to be nice to people I don’t like

Me when someone tries to touch my face or hair

Me in every picture where I am forced to smile

Me when I think I've picked up the last toy and come around the corner to see the den has been made a disaster again

Literally just me. All the time.

36 Airport Thoughts

1. How are this many people traveling on a Thursday.

2. I'm definitely going to miss my flight

3. Where does this line even start OH MY GOSH NO.

4. This airport line is my personal prison

5. Yessss the bomb dog is walking over here

6. That is the cutest effing dog I've ever seen

7. If they didn't want me to pet him they should have put a sign on him or something 

8. Apparently there's a huge sign on him saying Do Not Pet

9. Ok but how else would I let him know how proud I am of him?

10. Whatever. That bomb dog loves me.

11. Holy cow this line just warp sped up

12. Of course my phone is crashing right now

13. "Hi sorry! My boarding pass is loading. Haha... ‎sorry... just a sec... you guys go in front of me...

14. Oh my gosh I need a pedicure

15. I wonder if the people in this line are as aware of my disaster pedicure as I am

16. Why is that girl bringing a full sized bedroom pillow?

17. Enjoy putting that on the xray belt, and then putting your face on it.‎

18. Like, that's 1 of her 2 carry ons. What even.

19. Did I feed dolly? 

20. Whatever she's a survivor.

21. I'm starving

22. I need coffee

23. **looks at coffee line** I do not need coffee that badly

24. I mean I get that you want to be comfortable on the plane, but you are still in public. You're legit wearing pajamas.

25. Why is that woman so dressed up? You're about to be on a plane, the can't be comfortable.

‎26. I have so much work to do on this plane

27. I can't wait to be insanely productive on this plane

28. If I have to gate check my bag I'm going to throw a bitch fit.

29. If people wouldn't shove their full sized pillows in the overhead compartment maybe my bag would fit.

30. I mean, you can't just stay seated in the aisle seat and force me to crawl over you to get to my window seat. That's not a thing.‎

31. Oh my gosh that person is already asleep haha

32. It's 10 am how are you asleep?

33. I miss Sky Mall Magazine

34. I feel like flight attendants have to get therapy for how much they hate the seat belt spiel.

35. ‎Ok, take off. As soon as the bell dings I'm going to bust out this laptop and get to work.

36. **takes nap the entire flight**‎