These things Just Have to Be Addressed

Since I apparently CAN’T STOP changing my name back and forth more than P. Diddy, I decided to go to the social security office today. That level of annoyance = cut to, this new post. This post isn't as much a rant (it might be a rant) but more an ode to something we've all felt. I know we have. There are people that annoy the ever-loving crap out of us, and I would venture to guess it’s the same types of people. Let’s dive in:

People that react as if you’re a lunatic

This reaction will instantly drive me up a wall. If I’m tossing back and forth the idea of dying my hair neon green, by all means, please react in a way that would indicate I need a straight jacket. If I’m referencing a TV show or movie that was extremely popular when we were growing up and you didn't watch it, YOU’RE the freak. Not me.

The best is when these people make excuses like “Oh I didn't see Zenon the Zequal because I was playing outside”. No you were not. You were not a missing member of the Boxcar Children. You weren't an original character in Lord of the Flies. You literally had to LIVE outside for 4 solid years to not catch that movie. And good luck coping with life, ill prepared. Disney Channel Movies have taught me 80% of the life’s lessons I currently know.

An equally annoying iteration of this is when people ask “did you mean this?” and there is zero point zero percent chance that’s what you meant. I was in Home Depot asking a lady if they sold Corn Hole Boards. Her response? “Did you mean a drawer?”. Ummm… surely you didn't think that. Surely if I were struggling to remember the word “drawer” I wouldn't have stumbled onto “corn hole board”. Also who’s shopping for a singular drawer??? When I finished explaining what a corn hole board was her reaction was that from a horror film. How could I ever even suggest they carry such an item.

Facebook Lovers

I think it’s 100% the most fabulous thing in the world that you’re in love. Actually I don’t care at all, but I mean if I had to pick between you being in love or miserable I’d probably pick in love. You’re welcome. Aside from that, the LAST thing I care to see is a personalized love note to your significant other. I’m not talking about a cute picture and a sweet 1 sentence message. Those are inspiring. I’m talking a love epistle.

“Oh you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank God for you every day and even though we've had our rough times you’re still the one for me blah blah blah” times a million. You know what I do to these statuses? I report them. No they aren't racially charged or sexist, but they are equally as offensive for their over sharing. FYI if you report a Facebook status or picture it’s anonymous. So, join me in the fight against over sharing. Report.

People that don’t have an iPhone and “don’t even want one”

Yes you do, don’t lie. I appreciate your willingness to embrace the phone you've got. That’s honestly the right attitude because being annoyed that you have a Galaxy Z97.4 E 9-series Windows phone isn't going to make life any easier. But don’t try to convince me that if you had the chance to change over to the iPhone you wouldn't jump out of your seat to do so. Choosing to not have an iPhone is so hipster of you, I hope you wear suspenders a lot.